American Boxing Idol

I loved the boxing theme to this week's American Idol performance show. It was slightly cheesy, but with all the energy from the massive Nokia theater - which amazingly carried over onto television - it felt just like a entertaining arena show.

Five minutes into the show and no one is singing.

Ten minutes. No one is singing. Oh no, this hasn't become a boxing show, has it? Is it still American Idol?

Clive Davis chose a song that would really "connect" with people today for David Cook. And for Archuleta, he chose a song called "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me." So already Archuleta's song sounds desperate.

Production values are high for this episode, though. It almost feels like a modern reality show!

You know how everyone hated Andrew Lloyd Webber week? Yes, ALW is back to coach the contestants! Please tell the producers how to interpret fan feedback?

8:14 and we get our first song. We've just about burned through one-fourth of a singing show without any singing at all. Oh no, David Cook's song has him pleading "let me be with you." All this whining... However, it was a predictably good song by Cook. I didn't even have to listen to it to know how it sounded!

Archuleta is singing his first song with... two voices? He has some trouble slipping into his voice at first, but once he got there, he was great. If I ever need a sleepy CD mix, I'll download some of his MP3's.

If ever there was a justification for Paula Abdul's super enthusiasm, tonight is it. Live at the Nokia Theater, with thousands of people, in one of the biggest telecast for the year, for one of the most contested contest in recent history. (Democratic candidate contest excluded.) These kids are nervous. It doesn't matter how much training, how much coaching you get. You step out onto that stage, facing off against your friend, you are going to be scared inside. So having one of the judges giving them reassurance? Tonight I am totally cool with it. This week is nothing like they have ever experienced in their lives. Not even a regular concert will be watched by 50 million people.

I love the Nokia Theater set design. Very cool. ROUND TWO: Songwriting Contest. It's not the last song? Terrific!
- "Dream Big," David Cook. Stage lights are set to "random." I can see this song selling well, being played on commercials, at weddings, proms, and so forth. It is not the worst coronation song ever. And Cook 'sang' it well! Ooh... I'll agree with Simon, though. That didn't sound like a winning moment, did it? I never even thought of that while watching the performance.
"In This Moment," David Archuleta. A song about him making his own decisions? Ha! Kid, we all know you are a stage child. We feel sorry for you, okay? "I want to stay in this moment/No one can take it from me." Well, kid, the voters can. And your dad. Goodness, this may be the most insipid, dreadful coronation song yet. It was more of a "I won, I won!" song. But it is a song that he will probably hate to sing all the time on the summer tour, so, in the end, he loses.

ROUND THREE: Personal Choice
- David Cook: "The World I Know" - Technically great. A good song choice, IMHO. But goodness, if it isn't sleepy! Aw, Cookie is crying. He's taking lessons from Archie!
Randy is just Mr. Optimism tonight. I actually understand and appreciate Paula tonight - am I that tired? And Simon's unfair to Cook, or WAS, until he said that Cook was one of the nicest people on the show. Oh good, Simon agreed that the song was done. Simon has his own "personal choice," and, I know he's a judge, but, back off Simon! And OH NO, COOK LOOKS DEFEATED. NOOOOO!!!!!
- David Archuleta: "Imagine" - Archie is singing about this magical world he wants people to know more about. Big words coming from someone still on his probationary driver's licence! (Okay, he has a great voice, and my personal Idol fav, Paris Bennett, was his age. But she didn't look like she was 8!! These things look more unbelievable coming from someone who looks like Archie.) Again, technically great, but BORING. Just like this whole season. ARGH. Archie is crying now. He must be taking lessons from Brooke.
Randy gives the competition to Archuleta. Paula is stunned. Cowell, well, gives the entire season to him as well. All rounds, he claims, go to David A.

I hope both David's get to cry, run, punch, or do whatever it takes to relax their nerves after this show. I feel terrible for them just looking at them on stage. Even the producers seem to realize they look terrible; after the numbers are given, we barely see the two contestants before they are whisked backstage. You know, the contestants we are voting for.

Oh, hi, Rueben. He is singing to a video montage, which we don't get to see a whole lot of. It's probably all the b-roll that airs in the studio during commercial breaks, and showrunners are probably sick to death of it all, but it's the end of the year! Let me see the unfortunate auditions. Stir up those memories

Oh, Carly Smithson. I missed you more than I ever thought I would. And Brooke. This season belonged to you, gals!

I still want Cook to win, but I think the judges may get their way and have an Archuleta win. Which may be better, so Manager Daddy won't beat his kid up for failing him. I'll accept Archie winning if it means less parental abuse. Deal?

Early as 14 years and 9 months, really

While watching the horrible Ford music video on American Idol tonight, I saw David Archuleta get into a car, and I honestly - I am not making this up to be funny - got mad. I thought to myself, but he's not old enough to drive yet!

....Yes, He is.

I would also like to congratulate David Aaaw!chuleta on winning American Idol. I'm sure the coronation ballad will be perfect for you, and will do David Cook absolutely no favors whatsoever. Don't believe me about that? Call up Jordin Sparks and Blake Lewis.

American Idol Thoughts

David Archuleta said he had a hard time memorizing the song that he chose for himself. Most of the song consisted of him repeating the mantra, "with you." And I thought I was bad at memorizing. Also, he didn't really seem to believe what he was singing it; he was just saying the words with the emotions that he knew he had to project. Also, this is the Top 3. How does he not know when to walk to the stage? Even Kelli Pickler mastered that by the Top 11 round.

Archuleta's first song... how high was he wearing his pants? I know he sings older songs, but he doesn't have to dress older.

Syesha's If I Ain't Got You was actually very good. It sounded very much like Alicia Keys, which is an incredible, incredible feat.

David Cook's fist song was boring. Technically great, but it just made me doze off. If I were listening to a :30 second sample on iTunes, I would have clicked to something else after about five seconds.

Syesha's Fever was really good, too. I'm not looking at the screen much at all while watching this, but judging by the quality of her voice, she was good. Not "bad cabaret," as Simon suggested. It was better than that. I agree with him about choosing something more contemporary, but I don't think anybody looks to the "personal choice" song to see what an artist's album will be like. We've had a whole season to anticipate that. Not to mention, there are producers and arrangers who tell these people what to sing on their albums. So, I guess, shut up, Simon.

David Cook should get a tan. Even a fake one.

Today Never Happened. David Cook, what was that song? It was arranged terribly weird for that 90-second window. It was a slow build up, then suddenly the chorus? I think? So weird. I completely agree with Paula.

Archuleta's Longer. The kid's got a great voice, but he did not sound that confident with this song at all. Talk about a song that wouldn't be on his record! Not even a Soft Hits radio station would pick that song up. Okay, song's done, let's see what the judges say... Randy deflects and avoids the song, Paula panders, Simon thought the "song and lyrics were absolutely horrible." THANK YOU, SIMON! Oh man, I'm so glad he had the guts to say something.

GUARINI WAS IN THE HOUSE! :(

Syesha: Come Hit Me Up. I love the tune, but, overall hate the song. Not great projection, not that all into the song. The backup singers were better overall, I think. I liked her last note, though. If that means anything. (American voters: "No.") Randy agreed... Paula liked Happy Feet, judges debate if the song is about penguins? Seriously? Paula panders to producers, claims girl won't go into final 2. Simon does his best to get another all-guy top 2. (First since Rueben/Clay!) They've been trying since season five. Terribly hard, too. But we've had Kat McPhee/Taylor Hicks. We got Jordin Sparks/Blake Lewis.

David Cook's last song got violins. Oh, I love violins. I want them at my wedding. And drums, too. And... when did Cook turn from hard rock to soft rock? Is he Michael Johns? NO. He is David Cook. David Cook is HARD ROCK. He is NOT soft rock. He does this song well, but this is not what he's done for the past few months. Nothing tonight is. But do the judges comment on that? No, but Paula found a beginning, middle and end. So there's that.

How did David Cook win that night? I think it was more of a draw. A very boring draw. How disappointing, American Idol: The Search for a Superstar, Season Seven!

Also, the show ran four minutes over. FOUR minutes. And these are the producers that almost did the Oscars? Good heavens.

Next week's Idol theme is...

Have you been cruising wire stories, looking for what the theme is for next week's American Idol? Turns out, you could just go to Wikipedia. Or, just remember. Every year for the past few seasons, the top 3 has gone like this:

1. The judges each chose one contestant and pick a song for their singer.
2. Clive Davis, media-mogul, chooses a song for each contestant. Usually, his selections are not so great. Which, for being Clive, is kind of surprising!
3. Contestant's choice.
   

My guess? Paula gets Blake, Randy gets Melinda and Simon gets Jordin. But that's just speculation.

Also, I hope Mindy-Doo doesn't go home next week. I'm actually going to have to vote next week Tuesday, so I have the right to complain if she is voted off. (Oh, who am I kidding? I'll complain even if I don't vote.)

UPDATE: I was right! Here are the latest spoilers for Tuesday's performance show, courtesy of MJ's Big Blog:

• Jordin Sparks: "Wishing Upon a Star" by Rose Royce, chosen by Simon. Her personal choice will be a reprise of "I Who Have Nothing," from the British Invasion week. (Which, incidentially, was the best week of the whole season, to-date.)
  
• Blake Lewis: "Roxanne" by The Police was chosen by Paula.
  
• Melinda Doolittle: "I Believe in You and Me" by Whitney Houston, chosen by Randy.
  

http://mjsbigblog.com/

Lakisha to win American Idol?

Personally, I wouldn't think so, but man, this is just kind of freaky!

Random TV Thoughts: Mindy Doo's Ticked Off

- Thank you, America, for voting off Sanjaya. This show is a search for the next superstar singer, not superstar freak. Although, I did enjoy the ponyhawk week. That may be one of the most memorable TV moments from this decade yet.
- You know that horribly hilarious moment on the Idol results show in which our Mindy Doo had to choose which group got the top number of votes? According to someone who was in the audience, Melinda was ticked off at Nigel Hawthorne for putting her in that situation. (Which, being the mother hen that she is, I can imagine her being very mad!)
- The same report also says that Sanjaya cried, a lot. Same with Kiki. And then Melinda. Also? The audience didn't like that Fergie's performance was pre-taped. At all.
- America's Got Talent has made it official: Sharon Osbourne is the new judge, replacing Brandy. I feel bad for Brandy's legal situation, in part because she was such a fun part of the show. But Sharon Osbourne is very entertaining in her own right. Not to mention that, unlike her husband, she has a few brain cells left.
- I know that projects fronted by JJ Abrams tend to have a very unique story telling structure. They'll set up a huge mystery then drop it for a couple weeks, THEN come back to it, while setting up other stories in the meantime. But, even by those standards, Lost is taking quite the break from explaining what Locke's dad is doing on the island. It's not like he fell out of a helicopter or anything!
- I've read spoilers for 24 from very reliable sources, sources that have consistently proved right. And the rest of season 6? Not going to get better. The writers will be employing two popular soap opera techniques by the time the clock strikes 6:00 AM PT. (That's right, CTU is going to watch Luke and Laura's wedding!)
- I've been catching a couple repeats of Gilmore Girls on ABCFamily here and there, and... It's good! Honestly, the dialogue is so well-written, it's just a treat to sit back and hear everyone talk. And it's very, very witty, too!

AI Thoughts: Haley Should Go Country

So I was listening to the preview for Haley Scarnato's studio-recorded "True Colors" and I kind of thought to myself, in my best Randy Jackson voice, you know dawg, that wasn't half bad. It's not a strong voice, but it still works. And I got to thinking... the instrumentals are kind of like contemporary/pop country, like, Shania Twain-type country. And I got to thinking, that should be Haley's niche! She should totally go country. I mean, she's already asking America to think of her legs, not her singing... Where else could she be so well received for such confusing signals than the pop-country market? (I know, I'm subjecting myself to hate mails... You know it's true, though.)

BTW - Either Melinda is really the best singer of the bunch, or the studio mixer REALLY likes her... Going through the previews of each song, she's pretty much the only one with a voice louder than the instrumentals.

However, as I bitterly point out, by the time it got to the Top 5, Paris Bennett has pretty much the most consistently strong voice, showed EXCELLENT diversity and proved to be a excellent performer AND singer. So she got voted off. After singing a Mary J. Blige song and doing GREAT. So I'm hopefully optimistic about LaKisha and Melinda sticking around, but, America is stupid. We could still see Chris Richardson and Haley Scarnato in the finale yet. (Perish the thought!)

UPDATE ON PREVIOUS POST: The theme for next Tuesday is officially called "American Classics". Tony Bennett guest coaches the kids and performs on Wednesday's results show.

Some "Sligh" Revelations

Chris Sligh, as you may well know, was booted off of American Idol. He still gets to go on tour, but, he is at a bit of a disadvantage, because people won't remember him as well as they will contestants who go on to the Top 9, Top 8, and so forth. (Although Jon Peter Lewis says "whatever" to that.) But now that the dust has cleared, we get to learn more about Chris Sligh and what he thought of the show. In a nutshell? He wanted to leave.

Speaking to AOL, the "fro patrol" singer who is described as a indie-artist who just wanted some name recognition. "I never came into this wanting to win in it." He said that he almost dropped out a few weeks ago, after he sung "Endless Love" and received very negative feedback for it. He asked someone from 19 Entertainment if he could still go on tour if he quit and he was told "No, you have to get voted out." Sligh says he still tried, but, in the end, it didn't work. In the interview, he also talks about why he was kicked out of Bob Jones University and why he doesn't have any hard feelings. "...Their sect of Christianity is not what I want to be associated with," he says. And it all has to do with a concert...

So don't feel bad for Chris being sent packing; he wanted it. I like to think that Sanjaya feels the same way and that these past two weeks have been cries for help. If his five minutes of fame last much longer, we'll wind up hearing about him in 10-20 years as he enters rehab for alcohol and substance abuse, how his wife has divorced him and taken custody of their kids, then years later we get treated to a cable reality TV show that follows Sanjaya around as he gets his life back together.
And it's all because he didn't go home this week. Thanks a lot, America.

Next week: A celebration of the music of Tony Bennett, with Tony Bennett! Laugh as Sanjaya tries to sing jazz/swing tunes. Cower in awe of how Kiki and Melinda do completely awesome! Completely forget Chris Richardson's performance! Watch as Blake gives American standards a contemporary twist: will he be loved or hated for doing that? Listen as Sanjaya sings "I Left My Heart in San Fransisco, as well as my common sense not to have auditioned in the first place"! (He's actually from Seattle.)

Aw, let's just stop that and make wild, baseless predictions for the idols. Thanks for the info, Wiki!
Gina: "I Wanna Be Around" [PLEASE?]
Blake: "If I Ruled the World" [We'd beatbox every song]
Melinda: "Because of You" (Not the Kelly Clarkson one. Although, that'd be funny and will probably be on some "new standards" list in 50 years.)
Kiki: "Rags to Riches"
Jordin: "Happiness Street"
Sanjaya: "Young and Warm and Wonderful" (except for that last part!)
Chris R: "I Will Live My Life For You" ["If you keep me out of the bottom 3."]
Phil: "When Joanna Loved Me" (Mrs. Phil will then hilariously ask "Who's Joanna?" and it's so funny that America keeps him around for another week.)
Haley: "Who Can I Turn To" [To keep me on this show?]

AI Recap: Top 10 and the Ponyhawk

Everyone on the show this week will be on the summer tour. Who will sell out stadiums? Who will the teenage girls flock to see? Let's take a look at how they did this week with the "Songs That Inspired Gwen Stefani" theme:

Kiki - Really great vocals. Not a energetic song, but on an album, it'd probably be a standout ballad.
Chris S - Boring. I feel bad for the guy. It just wasn't good. He's a fun-enough performer and can be good. It just wasn't his week.
Gina - Kind of boring, I thought. But the judges disagreed with me. I do like that they're giving her some love, though. It's about time they started being nicer to her. She's definitely not the strongest of the group (right now), but she has potential. She just needs to keep getting people like Lulu and Gwen Stefani who help get that out of her.
Sanjaya - What the....? Is that a native American headpiece? Is it a chicken costume? No, it's his HAIR. It's like a curly mohawk? Is that possible? Forgettable song, at any rate. A "ponyhawk," as Ryan put it. You know how in the 80's, when rap was really coming on to the scene, how artists had these really weird hairdo's, in part because hairspray was really fun and fascinating? Sanjaya looks like he belongs in the 80's.
Haley - Not wearing Kat McPhee's extensions this week. I think. I'd comment on her singing, if I could hear it. She's still counting on her legs to send her through, it would seem. Horrible ending. Almost as bad as Sanjaya's hairdo. "I thought I did well," she told Simon. Oh, Haley...
Phil - Let's see... A pseudo-country-rocker singing a Police song? And it didn't sound terrible? I must be becoming sick again. It wasn't great, it was a "safe" song, but it wasn't terrible. Nothing I'd buy on AmericanIdol.com, though. But it should keep him around another week.
Melinda - You know what? I'm going to stop blaming the contestants.... Gwen Stefani's iTunes playlist is just not my cup of tea. Sorry, Gwen. It's very boring. Melinda is rocking this song out completely and ensuring that she, not Blake, will be the next American Idol. But what a generic ballad! She did good, though. Man, what a boring week! Oh, Simon kind of agreed with me! How nice.
Blake - Okay, so by now it's pretty much accepted that Blake Lewis is the new Sting. And even if he got voted off this week, he'll have an amazing music career. But again, the mantra for tonight is: Good vocals, boring song. Hey, Simon told Blake to not be a jerk! Not that his warnings ever stopped Daughtry or Taylor Hicks. Whatever. Blake's a good singer, it was just boring this week.
Jordin - Laser beams? The song opens up with laser beams? Is this STAR WARS? Stupid No Doubt. Forget Sanjaya's hair... Jordin's hoop earrings and picnic-blanket top are just as distracting! And why do they have a video display of the backup singers behind Jordin instead of just MOVING them 20 feet on to the stage? Whatever. At least Jordin branched out and did something drastically different. She'll be safe for at least this week. It was still forgettable, but at least she is showing diversity, which is more than we can say for many of the contestants.
Chris R - He wasted a good opportunity to impress us. Instead of really hitting the big notes, he played it soft and quiet. Very disappointing. He also looked uncomfortable on stage, too. Man, what a bad show! And not awesomely bad, but just boring bad!

Gwen Stefani - She looked.... So different! Like, that may not even be the same person they showed in the clip package. She looked soo down-to-earth. I was surprised! Actually, she kind of looked like she was on break from a Roman Catholic school. But whatever. She could have totally been all weird and crazy-like, like Gwen's make-up people like to do with her.

Highlight of the night: Melinda and Kiki. Both were true powerhouses tonight. Blake gets a honorable shoutout.
Lowlight of the night: Sanjaya's ponyhawk. Eeek!

Where on earth did we squeeze in 7 extra minutes? I'm so confused. It must have been in the commercials. Sneaky, FOX!

Top 11: Idol Invasion

In this week's installment of American Idol, the Idol's sang songs that pertained to the British Invasion. Some were fun songs to listen to, like Blake Lewis who re-mixed Time of the Seasons very nicely. Some just picked weird songs, like LaKeisha ("Kiki" is her nickname, I hear.) who picked the incredibly weird, weird "Diamonds are Forever" which to my ears has always sounded like a "rough draft" of a song. She had good vocals for the song, it's just a cruddy song.

I admittingly fell asleep for the last third, but caught a video clip of Sanjaya's performance. I can't believe that he's going to be on the tour. He's like Ace Young and Bucky Covington rolled into one. Young, nervous, not that great but the teenyboppers love him! So annoying. Why on earth would you vote for someone because he's young? Like, oh, I'll overlook his apparent lack of good singing because he's young. Is that the thought process? Or is it, I'll overlook his lack of good vocal pipes because he has Medusa's hair? It may be the same thought process that kept Haley on for another week... "Wow, she has thighs! I never expected her to have those... I better vote for her!" Morons.

Anyways, I'm going to make a few predictions... Sanjaya stays for 4 more weeks.

• LaKeisha will be voted off in a few weeks and everyone will be surprised. She will follow in Mandisa's footsteps and she will be very, very happy.
• Melinda and Blake will be the Top 2. Melinda will win. Blake will sell more records.
• Taylor Hicks will still continue to look like a manic-depressed serial killer and will probably hunt down and murder me for writing that.
• Chris Sligh will at least make it to the Top 5.
• Chris Richardson will not.
• Phil Stacey will remain bald until Sanjaya leaves, in protest.
• Jordin Sparks will follow Elliot Yamin's path where she has some of the best vocals of the group, but remains very forgettable. She will still last a long, long time.
• Melinda will finally perfect the Kellie Pickler method of getting votes: Be goofy and aloof and be a good singer.
• Haley will continue to dress like she's asking America for something other than votes to help distract from her bad singing. Much like Sanjaya's weird Taylor-esque antics this week. (I'm double-dead now!)
• Gina will continue to dominate the rocker vote that Bo Bice and Daughtry helped usher in. She will still fall short of their record-selling powers, in so much as she can sing. Daughtry can't sing and he went far. If Gina just screams, she will do fine.
• I predict that the fundraiser will be commercial free, just to spite everyone who has to sit through 20 Coca-Cola commercials during a normal show.
• I predict that Jennifer Lopez's guest-coaching stint will be for 90's Week. She will help Haley sing a Britney Spears song while Melinda will make a error in judgement and sing Baja Men's Who Let the Dogs Out? (Who? Who, who, who?)
• Blake Lewis will continue to update older songs and the judges will continue to alternate whether or not they absolutely hate the very idea, or if they think it is the most brilliant thing ever.
• Ryan Seacrest will come out... with another TV talk show.
• In a massive promotion event for 'Til Death, Brad Garrett will be a guest judge one week. He will give better criticism than Paula but will not be as vaguely helpful as Randy.
• Love songs week will still be boring.
  
• Over the summer, Blake Lewis will "Blake-ize" Daniel Powter's Bad Day, thus bringing it into the Idol family once again and ready to use instead of Daughtry's shrieking farewell ballad.
• Sanjaya's ultimate undoing will be the week when he does something really drastic with his hair. Remember when Ace Young slicked back his signature 'do for one week? Not only did he look completely different, the teenyboppers rebelled against him and sent him home. Watch Sanjaya's hair... It'll be the key to him going home.
• Taylor Hicks will be a musical guest star some week during the results show. Ryan will joke about how he doesn't need to hear criticism from the judges any more. We don't see it, thanks to a five-second delay, but Taylor decides to flip off the judges on national TV. He is not invited back. (Triple-dead!)
  

The Best Part of American Idol Is...

....Spoiling the results show. Well, okay, it's nothing scientific that they've got going on, but the folks at DialIdol.com have become pretty reliable over the past couple seasons. If you're unfamiliar with the site, how's it feel to be out of that cave after all these years? the site has a bunch of people nationwide that pretty much speed-dial's everyone on the show and a computer program records the busy-to-not-busy-ratio for every candidate. If a person has the fewest busy signals, that person is probably going home. If someone has the highest busy signals, chances are, that person is safe for another week.
Man, this is fun. Hopefully the girls will be more fun than the guys, who were just plain boring. I'll be keeping an eye on Melinda Doolittle and Gina Glocksen, but hoping to be surprised by someone else.