When I'm in a boring lecture, or have some major time to kill, I plan fiction. Yes, this is a terrible cliche for a young budding writer: I'm writing a television series. No, I don't write in coffee shops or get inspiration from local poetry. However terrible the cliche is, the fact is, I'm planning a series (among other projects) in my mind.
Last year, this was a movie, surrounding a group of villains. The characters had incredible potential and I wanted to tell all of their story. Then I thought, maybe a mini-series. But focusing on just the bad guys forever wouldn't make for much fun. There needed to be a moral anchor. So I came up with some good guys. The good guys started to have more and more stories, and eventually, I had enough stories to fill up 23 episodes. I then reworked some other concepts I had floating around in my head and made them future seasons of the show.
The problem I had, though, is that the main cast of heroes never popped out at me. So last night, I killed them all. I took a new piece of paper, baby name web sites open, and I created a whole new slate of characters. I came up with a nice long backstory to the organization that these people work at. And now, these characters feel so incredibly alive. I can see them working together in the office, I can see the person with the most seniority sighing as the newbie tries to figure their way around the room. I can see the office romance.
And instead of trying to create characters that were as fantastic and epic as my villains for season one, I focused on creating good guys that were as real and relatable as possible. I know that sounds basic and fundamental, but after developing these bad guys forever, I wanted people who could be their equals. But they are no longer equals. These villains are now scary because they are more powerful, more outstanding in every way. And we're left scared, just like our main characters.
The biggest change would be re-naming my main character. I went from Walt Diamond to Michael Christopher. Another character's last name changed from Recudes to Martinez. Another's went from Verdosky to Versele. These are more common last names, making them feel more familiar to first-timers.
To see an example of a back-story in progress, check out the main character's main facts:
Michael Jacob Christopher, II
Graduated 3rd in his class from Yonkers River High School
Bachelor's Degree in Information Technologies from M.I.T.
Masters in Diplomacy, Harvard
5 years in the Marines
2 years on the Council for Agricultural Research
2 years, Diplomat to Canada for Agricultural Research and Technologies
4 years, F.B.I. Special Information Officer
2 years, F.B.I. Senior Intelligence
Present: Chief Intelligence Officer, Special Investigative Case Unit, F.B.I.
CASTING CALL: Well-researched, smart, down to earth. Likes a good joke, even if he rarely tells one himself. Mediator at heart, willing to fight when necessary. Content to stay with any jobs, feels need to prove himself constantly.
DIVORCED: Married Rita Recudes. Divorced after seven years. Rita re-married wealthy Senator Baker. Baker was assassinated six months later. Michael was involved in investigative task unit, which is withholding sensitive information about the investigation from Rita.
..... Don't worry. I also spent some energy applying for other jobs. :)
Showing posts with label Fiction. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fiction. Show all posts
Possible Suspects
Here's the 'short list' of suspects in The Henry Fillings Murder:
THE DIME CIRCUS TROUPE
- Patrick N. Angel, "Mr. Angel," Manager: Headstrong, confident, mechanical and cruel. Mr. Angel has a reputation for expecting perfection from everyone and is a ruthless businessman. The fact that he is the manager of a underground vaudeville act, instead of a Fortune 500 company, is a constant sore spot for him.
- Vivian Recudes, acrobat: Beautiful, seducer, cold, manipulative and strong - the headline act. She has grace and agility and knows it, too. After being orphaned at a young age, Vivian hardened up emotionally and buried herself in anything that she could, including her job at Epsilon Insurance. Booted from school and her job for substance abuse, she joined a start up circus troupe and quickly become a headline act. Is known to go to bars and clubs to pull con's to get money, either for herself or to help keep the troupe in business.
- Elaina Verdostky, acrobat: Braniac, mysterious, lonely, a terrific performer with a brilliant mind. An immigrant from Russia, Elaina was fascinated with dancing, ballerina and all sorts of gymnastics. An outsider in school, Elaina took a big interest in the sciences, including chemistry. While in college, she started going out with a guy, making a real emotional connection for the first time in over a decade. After a chance encounter with Henry Fillings, Junior goes wrong, Fillings takes revenge by ruining Elaina's life. She is dropped from college, her boyfriend dumps her - and tries to kill her - and her family's lives are severely threatened. Running away, she takes a small traveling job: an acrobat for a small circus troupe. She becomes assistant manager and spends any free time researching business, law and medical news. After meeting with her old boyfriend again, he fesses up that Junior put him up to killing her, sparking a deeper hatred for the Fillings family.
- Jeff & Marta Redstock: The co-ringleaders and singers of the troupe, this young married couple brings a spark of life to every show. Jeff is smart, scholarly and funny. Marta is motherly, funny and a little manipulative. They do their best to keep the troupe members in good spirits. They met each other in a Inter Varsity College group, but it turns out they were both there to pull a con. They then turned to a life of crime, stealing here and there. They had even tried to pull a con at Epsilon Insurance's main headquarters, but were found out by Fillings himself. (Who, thanks to some dirt they got on him, left them off the hook.) They changed their names multiple times to avoid exposure, but later decided they were tired of hiding from the public eye. They joined the troupe and entertain the audiences with their banter.
- Richard Smith: The headliner in the sideshow act, Richard's appearance may be unsettling to most but his demeanor and attitude is one of the nicest and kindest you will ever find. He is smart, funny and gets along great with all the troupe members, even Mr. Angel. He does have a lot of downtime, some of it unaccounted for, making him a prime suspect. (Even though he's so nice!)
- John Ford & Lauren Gibson: The animal trainers and caretakers, these two have gone from hating each other's guts to slowly tolerating each other's existence. John Ford is more of a "hippie" free-thinker while Lauren Gibson is a down-to-earth, by-the-books sort of person. While their back stories aren't as fleshed out as the key players, they do have major axes to grind with the people at Epsilon Insurance. (Not to mention their whereabouts on the night of the murder are extremely sketchy!)
EPSILON INSURANCE GROUP
- Henry Fillings, Jr., CFO : The son of Henry Fillings, this man has been a screw-up for most of his life. When he got a job within EI, his dad hoped that Junior would clean up his act. Junior tries and tries but still falls back on his partying ways. Eventually, he started to get on the right track and rose as a prominent player in the business world. (But not entirely because of his smarts.) He eventually wanted to get out of his father's shadow. What better way to accomplish that than to kill Fillings?
- Frank Trent, Vice-President: The man who keeps the company together throughout the drama that is the Fillings family. His patience has long since run dry, he does his best to stay on the good side of the board of directors, all of whom like him more than the Fillings men. Has tremendous motive to be the banker, planner and/or killer.
THE DIME CIRCUS TROUPE
- Patrick N. Angel, "Mr. Angel," Manager: Headstrong, confident, mechanical and cruel. Mr. Angel has a reputation for expecting perfection from everyone and is a ruthless businessman. The fact that he is the manager of a underground vaudeville act, instead of a Fortune 500 company, is a constant sore spot for him.
- Vivian Recudes, acrobat: Beautiful, seducer, cold, manipulative and strong - the headline act. She has grace and agility and knows it, too. After being orphaned at a young age, Vivian hardened up emotionally and buried herself in anything that she could, including her job at Epsilon Insurance. Booted from school and her job for substance abuse, she joined a start up circus troupe and quickly become a headline act. Is known to go to bars and clubs to pull con's to get money, either for herself or to help keep the troupe in business.
- Elaina Verdostky, acrobat: Braniac, mysterious, lonely, a terrific performer with a brilliant mind. An immigrant from Russia, Elaina was fascinated with dancing, ballerina and all sorts of gymnastics. An outsider in school, Elaina took a big interest in the sciences, including chemistry. While in college, she started going out with a guy, making a real emotional connection for the first time in over a decade. After a chance encounter with Henry Fillings, Junior goes wrong, Fillings takes revenge by ruining Elaina's life. She is dropped from college, her boyfriend dumps her - and tries to kill her - and her family's lives are severely threatened. Running away, she takes a small traveling job: an acrobat for a small circus troupe. She becomes assistant manager and spends any free time researching business, law and medical news. After meeting with her old boyfriend again, he fesses up that Junior put him up to killing her, sparking a deeper hatred for the Fillings family.
- Jeff & Marta Redstock: The co-ringleaders and singers of the troupe, this young married couple brings a spark of life to every show. Jeff is smart, scholarly and funny. Marta is motherly, funny and a little manipulative. They do their best to keep the troupe members in good spirits. They met each other in a Inter Varsity College group, but it turns out they were both there to pull a con. They then turned to a life of crime, stealing here and there. They had even tried to pull a con at Epsilon Insurance's main headquarters, but were found out by Fillings himself. (Who, thanks to some dirt they got on him, left them off the hook.) They changed their names multiple times to avoid exposure, but later decided they were tired of hiding from the public eye. They joined the troupe and entertain the audiences with their banter.
- Richard Smith: The headliner in the sideshow act, Richard's appearance may be unsettling to most but his demeanor and attitude is one of the nicest and kindest you will ever find. He is smart, funny and gets along great with all the troupe members, even Mr. Angel. He does have a lot of downtime, some of it unaccounted for, making him a prime suspect. (Even though he's so nice!)
- John Ford & Lauren Gibson: The animal trainers and caretakers, these two have gone from hating each other's guts to slowly tolerating each other's existence. John Ford is more of a "hippie" free-thinker while Lauren Gibson is a down-to-earth, by-the-books sort of person. While their back stories aren't as fleshed out as the key players, they do have major axes to grind with the people at Epsilon Insurance. (Not to mention their whereabouts on the night of the murder are extremely sketchy!)
EPSILON INSURANCE GROUP
- Henry Fillings, Jr., CFO : The son of Henry Fillings, this man has been a screw-up for most of his life. When he got a job within EI, his dad hoped that Junior would clean up his act. Junior tries and tries but still falls back on his partying ways. Eventually, he started to get on the right track and rose as a prominent player in the business world. (But not entirely because of his smarts.) He eventually wanted to get out of his father's shadow. What better way to accomplish that than to kill Fillings?
- Frank Trent, Vice-President: The man who keeps the company together throughout the drama that is the Fillings family. His patience has long since run dry, he does his best to stay on the good side of the board of directors, all of whom like him more than the Fillings men. Has tremendous motive to be the banker, planner and/or killer.
The Henry Fillings Murder
(Following up on this post...)
The story that I am having trouble ending is the death and murder of Henry Fillings. Fillings was a very successful, wealthy businessman, a household name to most. When he is found murdered in one of his private estates, it becomes headline news, intriguing enough for any media outlet. But when the main suspects that emerge turn out to be members of the same sideshow / circus troupe, the case holds a lot more mystery and intrigue.
The lead investigators are a unit of the F.B.I.'s High Priority Investigation Squad. (They affection ally call themselves CASE, for short.) Through interviews - and flashbacks - we learn a great deal about the members of this twisted little circus and how they all wind up having ties to this businessman.
Fillings himself was not exactly a saint, the chief sin against him being suspected - but never proven - ties to the mafia. In addition, Fillings son, Junior, has risen through the ranks based solely on his heritage, not on his talents. He was also a womanizer and a scoundrel, the type of man who went through assistants frequently. His main company is Epsilon Insurance, a well-respected megalith among American businesses. (Many of the circus troupe have ties to EI.)
The chief investigator for CASE always looks at the money trail first. Money, he says, can always lead back to the planners and the killers. The staff took this to heart and came up with a nice acronym, BPK: Banker, Planner, Killer. So for the Henry Fillings murder, the CASE squad needs to figure out their BPK's from a pool of twisted, misguided sideshow members and angry, corrupt businessmen, plus some angry mob men. To make things even more interesting, the head of the circus troupe is an old business associate of Fillings who was fired and slandered in the press.
Who is the Banker? Who is the Planner? Who killed Henry Fillings?
I. don't. know.
Yet.
The story that I am having trouble ending is the death and murder of Henry Fillings. Fillings was a very successful, wealthy businessman, a household name to most. When he is found murdered in one of his private estates, it becomes headline news, intriguing enough for any media outlet. But when the main suspects that emerge turn out to be members of the same sideshow / circus troupe, the case holds a lot more mystery and intrigue.
The lead investigators are a unit of the F.B.I.'s High Priority Investigation Squad. (They affection ally call themselves CASE, for short.) Through interviews - and flashbacks - we learn a great deal about the members of this twisted little circus and how they all wind up having ties to this businessman.
Fillings himself was not exactly a saint, the chief sin against him being suspected - but never proven - ties to the mafia. In addition, Fillings son, Junior, has risen through the ranks based solely on his heritage, not on his talents. He was also a womanizer and a scoundrel, the type of man who went through assistants frequently. His main company is Epsilon Insurance, a well-respected megalith among American businesses. (Many of the circus troupe have ties to EI.)
The chief investigator for CASE always looks at the money trail first. Money, he says, can always lead back to the planners and the killers. The staff took this to heart and came up with a nice acronym, BPK: Banker, Planner, Killer. So for the Henry Fillings murder, the CASE squad needs to figure out their BPK's from a pool of twisted, misguided sideshow members and angry, corrupt businessmen, plus some angry mob men. To make things even more interesting, the head of the circus troupe is an old business associate of Fillings who was fired and slandered in the press.
Who is the Banker? Who is the Planner? Who killed Henry Fillings?
I. don't. know.
Yet.
What All Good Things Should Do
Whenever I have trouble imagining scenes for a story, I listen to music and try to visualize a scene set around the music. I have been able to flesh out many story details this way and even realize plot holes and find ways to fix the story more. I may even try to visualize a commercial or trailer, trying to figure out what the highlights of the story might be. But the most important thing that my muse - music - can do for me is to help flesh out the end of a story. I have learned enough to realize that it's important to have the ending of a story planned well before you flesh everything else out, to help leave clues to build up for the finale.
However, this may have also been a bad thing, as one perfect ending actually creates a bit of a cliffhanger; most story and character threads are tied up nicely, but the story ends right before a huge action scene. (There is no point in showing the action scene, honestly. It would not service the story at all.) The next installment in the series would not end on a cliffhanger, but rather, on an extremely sad and operatic note. Another story had a Lost-Alias-like sudden reveal at the end, a twist that makes you question everything that you saw. (Maybe not to that degree, but you get the idea.)
But so far, I'm stumped for one story, a murder mystery, as I have no clue who I want to kill the man in question. All of my suspects could be, either obviously so, or for being "so obviously not the murderer that he is" that I'm having a hard time figuring out whodunnit. And obviously, that's a huge chunk to the story to figure out! Especially since the murderer wouldn't be revealed until the last pages/seconds of the story, there'd be a lot of clues to throw in throughout. I've re-read their back stories, changed them, done all sorts of things to them and they all seem like murderers. Which might make for a compelling story, mind you. It's just that *I* can't figure out who the murderer should be - and I'm the one coming up with all these characters. *sigh*
However, this may have also been a bad thing, as one perfect ending actually creates a bit of a cliffhanger; most story and character threads are tied up nicely, but the story ends right before a huge action scene. (There is no point in showing the action scene, honestly. It would not service the story at all.) The next installment in the series would not end on a cliffhanger, but rather, on an extremely sad and operatic note. Another story had a Lost-Alias-like sudden reveal at the end, a twist that makes you question everything that you saw. (Maybe not to that degree, but you get the idea.)
But so far, I'm stumped for one story, a murder mystery, as I have no clue who I want to kill the man in question. All of my suspects could be, either obviously so, or for being "so obviously not the murderer that he is" that I'm having a hard time figuring out whodunnit. And obviously, that's a huge chunk to the story to figure out! Especially since the murderer wouldn't be revealed until the last pages/seconds of the story, there'd be a lot of clues to throw in throughout. I've re-read their back stories, changed them, done all sorts of things to them and they all seem like murderers. Which might make for a compelling story, mind you. It's just that *I* can't figure out who the murderer should be - and I'm the one coming up with all these characters. *sigh*
I'll Write a Book, Too
In addition to developing strange TV projects about Pangaea Ultima and the like, I'll also write a book. (I was somewhat inspired to do so after seeing chapter title's for a friend's book.) It's still a work in progress, and I have more chapter titles than written chapters. Here are some of my chapter titles:
Introduction
Religion: My Denomination Trumps Your Denomination
Religion: How I Learned to Wear Shorts to Church
Religion: Music So Sweet, No Longer?
Television: Developer of my Imagination?
Art: Growing Up Artsy And Not Knowing It
Art: My Life Through a LCD Screen
Education: Oh, You Were Home-Schooled?
Education: The College Experience
Culture: Fitting In
Politics: Why I Stopped Caring About America’s Future
Internet: My Fascination With Blogging
Internet: The Daily Run
Fiction: Glu-Glu
Sociology: Cheap Dutch People
Health: Watching It
Sociology: My Best Friends
Everything: The Good in Life
Society: No One’s Responsible Anymore And It’s Their Fault
Conclusion
Introduction
Religion: My Denomination Trumps Your Denomination
Religion: How I Learned to Wear Shorts to Church
Religion: Music So Sweet, No Longer?
Television: Developer of my Imagination?
Art: Growing Up Artsy And Not Knowing It
Art: My Life Through a LCD Screen
Education: Oh, You Were Home-Schooled?
Education: The College Experience
Culture: Fitting In
Politics: Why I Stopped Caring About America’s Future
Internet: My Fascination With Blogging
Internet: The Daily Run
Fiction: Glu-Glu
Sociology: Cheap Dutch People
Health: Watching It
Sociology: My Best Friends
Everything: The Good in Life
Society: No One’s Responsible Anymore And It’s Their Fault
Conclusion
They investigate a big case, see?
Two of my favorite shows are Lost - a fantastical drama that uses sometimes unrelated-flashbacks to further either the characters or the stories - and The Closer, a procedural show that can mix up drama and comedy with completel ease - and can do the twists in the investigations as well as SVU, sometimes better. I also kind of enjoy having some shows "reset" each season, like 24 does. So how could you combine all that?
My idea: A high-priority case squad (Closer) investigates one big plot per season (24), and we use flashbacks to learn more about the squad members and the suspects (Lost). It's so completely un-original it's original! And to keep the name short, we'll call it Case. One season they could investigate a murder, the next a robbery, the next, who knows. I even have plans for a few seasons, too, just to make sure that this format could work. I think it just might!
My idea: A high-priority case squad (Closer) investigates one big plot per season (24), and we use flashbacks to learn more about the squad members and the suspects (Lost). It's so completely un-original it's original! And to keep the name short, we'll call it Case. One season they could investigate a murder, the next a robbery, the next, who knows. I even have plans for a few seasons, too, just to make sure that this format could work. I think it just might!
And They'll Throw Beach Balls Instead of Rice
If I were to plan my wedding, I would not have a pianist or organist play the prelude. Instead, I would play random music from my music collection, which could include polka, classical music, pop hits and obscure international songs. The unity candles would be fake and controlled with a remote control, to be coordinated with the music like the Olympiad games. The ceremony would stop periodically to allow the photographer to get good shots. Witnesses would be singing lots of songs; if we did all this work to throw a wedding together, you can sing a little for us.
I would allow guests to answer cell phones during the service. However, doing so means your seat at the reception will be revoked. The wedding party can sit down, but only in the back of the church. This is to allow heckling. They need not to be quiet about it. I would hire a translator who can repeat the service in Hindi. That way, if it's boring in English, it may be interesting in another language. Ushers will be asked to wander the aisles, giving out bottles of water to the thirsty. We would put the rings on before the ceremony starts to create a shocking twist that will have everyone talking.
Returned RSVP cards will be put in a hat. One card is picked at random and those fortunate people get to stand up on the stage with the bride and groom. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will leave the sanctuary before the bride and groom. All of the wedding will start leaving in the middle of the last song, without warning or explanation. Copies of War and Peace will be distributed to those in the back few rows who have to wait the longest to be let out after the ceremony.
Randomly, there will have been dozens of pictures of various animals placed all throughout the foyer while the service took place. No one will fess up. To entertain guests before the reception, a fun game called Who's This? will be played in which selected contestants have to correctly identify family members of both sides. The loser will be the last person in the food line. There will be an open mic. However, we would reserve the right to jack your car's tires if you fail to give a entertaining speech. All wedding gifts are appreciated as generous gifts on everybody's part. However, the gifts we wind up returning will be remembered and those people will be the last to hold our first child.
I would allow guests to answer cell phones during the service. However, doing so means your seat at the reception will be revoked. The wedding party can sit down, but only in the back of the church. This is to allow heckling. They need not to be quiet about it. I would hire a translator who can repeat the service in Hindi. That way, if it's boring in English, it may be interesting in another language. Ushers will be asked to wander the aisles, giving out bottles of water to the thirsty. We would put the rings on before the ceremony starts to create a shocking twist that will have everyone talking.
Returned RSVP cards will be put in a hat. One card is picked at random and those fortunate people get to stand up on the stage with the bride and groom. The bridesmaids and groomsmen will leave the sanctuary before the bride and groom. All of the wedding will start leaving in the middle of the last song, without warning or explanation. Copies of War and Peace will be distributed to those in the back few rows who have to wait the longest to be let out after the ceremony.
Randomly, there will have been dozens of pictures of various animals placed all throughout the foyer while the service took place. No one will fess up. To entertain guests before the reception, a fun game called Who's This? will be played in which selected contestants have to correctly identify family members of both sides. The loser will be the last person in the food line. There will be an open mic. However, we would reserve the right to jack your car's tires if you fail to give a entertaining speech. All wedding gifts are appreciated as generous gifts on everybody's part. However, the gifts we wind up returning will be remembered and those people will be the last to hold our first child.
Ode to Drive-Thru Customers
(NOTE: This is a re-publishing of a note I wrote on my Facebook account.)
Mick is a cook at Sandra's, a popular family-oriented restaurant. He has to keep 30 orders from burning, while simultaneously answering 50 drive-thru customers an hour. (Okay, just change Sandra's to Russ' and you get the idea...) Anyways, here's a pretty commonplace exchange at the homemade goodness place...
Mick: “Welcome to Sandra’s, how can we help you?”
Customer: “I need JUST ONE SECOND to look over the menu, ALRIGHT?”
Mick: “Not a problem, just let me know when you’re ready.”
Customer: *no answer*
(2 minutes later…)
Customer: “I want a burger with ketchup, onion, mayo, and cheese.”
Mick: “Okay, I’ve got one cheeseburger with ketchup, onion and mayo… What else can we get you?”
Customer: “Does that burger have cheese on it?”
Mick: “Yes, ma’am.”
Customer: “Okay. What kinds of soups do you have today?”
Mick: “Well, we have……” (A full minute is spent listing off the soups.)
Customer: “You don’t have potato soup?”
Mick: “No, ma’am. We have pretty much any other kind of soup you could want or imagine except for potato.”
Customer: “Oh no!”
Mick: “I know!”
Customer: “Oh….”
Mick: “I know…”
Customer: Well, we’ll just go with the chicken noodle soup then.”
Mick: “We don’t have chicken noodle, but we have chicken rice. Will that be okay?”
Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine.”
Mick: “Okay. What else can we get you today?”
Customer: “Where are your salads? I spent two minutes looking for them on this board but I don’t think they’re out here.”
Mick: “Upper right-hand corner, I believe…”
Customer: “Oh, sure enough!”
*pauses*
Customer: “Well, I’ll just get a piece of rhubarb pie to go along with that.”
Mick: “Not a problem.”
Customer: “Do you still have that burger?”
Mick: “Yes, we do!” (He withholds the fact that enough time has now lapsed that the burger is now completely cooked and wrapped in tin foil, ready to be taken out.)
Customer: “Oh, good. I also want a large glass of water.”
Mick: “Okay, so, let’s see here… We have that one burger with cheese, ketchup, mayo and onion, a bowl of chicken rice soup, one slice of rhubarb pie and one large glass of water. Anything else for you today, ma’am?”
Customer: “Do you have the total?”
Mick: “I actually don’t. The way our system is set up here, I don’t have a monitor right in front of me to check that. If you want to wait a minute I could go have someone ring it up so we can check the price. If not, I mean, they’ll tell you when you pull up, for sure.”
Customer: “Oh, I know. I just want to have my checkbook ready. Could you please go check on that?”
Mick: “Sure!” (Mick is regretting that this is now minute 6 of taking this window order.)
Mick: “Okay, the total for the order is $7.89.”
Customer: “Oh, shoot. You know what, that’s too much money. I’m sorry, but I’ll just come back again another day.” (quickly drives off)
Or, that's how it would be if I took the order. If it were Jason, here's how it would go:
Jason: "Welcome to Sandra's, how can we help?"
Customer: “I need JUST ONE SECOND to look over the menu, ALRIGHT?”
Jason: "Manager, can you take this one for me?"
Mick is a cook at Sandra's, a popular family-oriented restaurant. He has to keep 30 orders from burning, while simultaneously answering 50 drive-thru customers an hour. (Okay, just change Sandra's to Russ' and you get the idea...) Anyways, here's a pretty commonplace exchange at the homemade goodness place...
Mick: “Welcome to Sandra’s, how can we help you?”
Customer: “I need JUST ONE SECOND to look over the menu, ALRIGHT?”
Mick: “Not a problem, just let me know when you’re ready.”
Customer: *no answer*
(2 minutes later…)
Customer: “I want a burger with ketchup, onion, mayo, and cheese.”
Mick: “Okay, I’ve got one cheeseburger with ketchup, onion and mayo… What else can we get you?”
Customer: “Does that burger have cheese on it?”
Mick: “Yes, ma’am.”
Customer: “Okay. What kinds of soups do you have today?”
Mick: “Well, we have……” (A full minute is spent listing off the soups.)
Customer: “You don’t have potato soup?”
Mick: “No, ma’am. We have pretty much any other kind of soup you could want or imagine except for potato.”
Customer: “Oh no!”
Mick: “I know!”
Customer: “Oh….”
Mick: “I know…”
Customer: Well, we’ll just go with the chicken noodle soup then.”
Mick: “We don’t have chicken noodle, but we have chicken rice. Will that be okay?”
Customer: “Yeah, that’s fine.”
Mick: “Okay. What else can we get you today?”
Customer: “Where are your salads? I spent two minutes looking for them on this board but I don’t think they’re out here.”
Mick: “Upper right-hand corner, I believe…”
Customer: “Oh, sure enough!”
*pauses*
Customer: “Well, I’ll just get a piece of rhubarb pie to go along with that.”
Mick: “Not a problem.”
Customer: “Do you still have that burger?”
Mick: “Yes, we do!” (He withholds the fact that enough time has now lapsed that the burger is now completely cooked and wrapped in tin foil, ready to be taken out.)
Customer: “Oh, good. I also want a large glass of water.”
Mick: “Okay, so, let’s see here… We have that one burger with cheese, ketchup, mayo and onion, a bowl of chicken rice soup, one slice of rhubarb pie and one large glass of water. Anything else for you today, ma’am?”
Customer: “Do you have the total?”
Mick: “I actually don’t. The way our system is set up here, I don’t have a monitor right in front of me to check that. If you want to wait a minute I could go have someone ring it up so we can check the price. If not, I mean, they’ll tell you when you pull up, for sure.”
Customer: “Oh, I know. I just want to have my checkbook ready. Could you please go check on that?”
Mick: “Sure!” (Mick is regretting that this is now minute 6 of taking this window order.)
Mick: “Okay, the total for the order is $7.89.”
Customer: “Oh, shoot. You know what, that’s too much money. I’m sorry, but I’ll just come back again another day.” (quickly drives off)
Or, that's how it would be if I took the order. If it were Jason, here's how it would go:
Jason: "Welcome to Sandra's, how can we help?"
Customer: “I need JUST ONE SECOND to look over the menu, ALRIGHT?”
Jason: "Manager, can you take this one for me?"
..But It Does Bring Up This Point
This post on Pangaea Ultima helps to segue into another random thought I had. Suppose you wanted to make a movie, or needed some over-arching story for a television season, like on 24. What I would do is create a fringe activist group, called Amasia, who become so extreme in nature that they are labeled as terrorists. In fact, they are so focused on uniting the world together on this so-called super-continent that they are now willing to risk all sorts of lives now to create that ultimate end goal. And so they go out trying to acquire powerful weapons, such as nukes, in order to effect the California fault lines, in hopes of speeding up the process of breaking the great state off from the rest of the continent. If you speed up that process, they think, then you could help to speed up the rest of Pangaea Ultima.
And our heroes would then have to spend the whole movie - or TV season - tracking down the terrorists and their suppliers. I wouldn't have just plain, "cut-and-dry terrorists," I would make them completely odd and kooky, like nuking California's border in hopes of uniting the world. If that doesn't spell "crazy," I don't know what does.
And our heroes would then have to spend the whole movie - or TV season - tracking down the terrorists and their suppliers. I wouldn't have just plain, "cut-and-dry terrorists," I would make them completely odd and kooky, like nuking California's border in hopes of uniting the world. If that doesn't spell "crazy," I don't know what does.
Yu-Yu's Shopping Spree
It was the best day Yu-Yu has ever had. You see, she had just returned from a shopping spree and had bought three shopping bags full of stuff. "I love it," she exclaimed to her roommates. "I got everything I could ever want!" "I doubt that," said Vernica, the obnoxious one. "I bet you go out shopping ten more times by the end of the month." "Not so!" Yu-Yu exclaimed. "I'm content for life." "Whatever," Vernica snorted. "Jus' don't come whining to me when you're low on cash, 'kay?"A few days later, Yu-Yu was walking the streets in her new clothes, when she passed by the window of a respectable retailer. "All clothes are fifty percent off?" she noticed. "I'll have to stop in here and see what they have!" For you see, Yu-Yu had already forgotten about her pledge to be content for the rest of her life.
Inside, Yu-Yu noticed her good friend, Glu-Glu. "Glu Squared, how are you?" she asked. "I'm doing good, thanks, Yu-Yu. I came in to check out their sale. Ti-Na wants me to buy a new tie for work. How are you doing?" "Great. I needed some new clothes, so I went to check this sale out!" "Well, I guess I'll see you around the store then," said Glu-Glu. "For sure!" And with that, Yu-Yu went off to shop some more.
Within minutes, Yu-Yu's arms were full of clothes. She went to get a shopping cart, but then that filled up too. So she went and got another shopping cart and that one filled up as well! Soon, each cart had clothes piled so high that they looked like mountains on wheels. Exhausted from shopping, Yu-Yu started to drag both carts towards the checkout lane, when wheels on both carts locked up. "Oh boy, what's going on?" Yu-Yu wondered.
A few yards away, Glu-Glu watched with a concerned eye. "What's she doing?" asked Vernica, Yu-Yu's obnoxious roommate, who was currently chewing gum. "Buying way too many clothes," Glu-Glu responded.
Yu-Yu couldn't get the wheels to budge at all. But what would cause the wheels to lock up, she wondered? That would take a lot of weight to do that. In frustration, she kicked both shopping carts, hoping to un-jam the wheels. The force of the kicks caused both carts to wobble, and caused the mountains of clothes to fall down, right on top of Yu-Yu! When the avalanche had cleared, you couldn't even see one of Yu-Yu's hands.
Glu-Glu ran over to dig his friend out, while Vernica continued to chomp on her gum. "She probably deserved that one," she said to herself. "Those clothes were so last year's style!"
Glu-Glu Meets the Impatient Hur-Hur
Glu-Glu stood patiently in line at the grocery store one fine day, when he looked over in the next lane to see a very disgruntled gentleman. The lines were long, and this gentlemen had places to go. Places which must have been far more attractive than paying for essential food items, for he was quite eager for the five people ahead of him to hurry up and let him pay for all his food. The man's name, as Glu-Glu overheard, was Hur-Hur."Hur-Hur," said Glu-Glu to the impatient man in the lane next to him. "Why are you in such a hurry? None of us want to wait long either. You are not alone in your frustration!" The man glared back at him. "Oh, so you think you're better than me? Just because you don't mind waiting minute after minute in a grocery store lane?" Glu-Glu was rather surprised. "Why, no, I guess I don't really mind after all. I have other things to worry about. Having to slow down for a few minutes and wait patiently doesn't make me mad." The man harrumphed at Glu-Glu and turned away. He wasn't going to take any more advice from this man in the other lane. Wait indeed, how rude of him to insinuate such things!
Glu-Glu watched as many minutes later the Hur-Hur got up to his lane's cashier. "Why are you so blasted slow? Do you know how long I waited?" In a blast of fury, Hur-Hur slammed his fist down on the conveyer belt, sending everything on it flying on up. While everyone else was ducking from an arial attack of soup and spam, Hur-Hur continued to stare angrily at the cashier. In fact, his gaze was so intense that he didn't notice a rather large hammer, forced by gravity to charge back down to the nearest surface. FLWAM! The hammer struck Hur-Hur directly on the top of his head, knocking him out instantly. Followed immediately by a 10 pound ham!
The moral of the story, Glu-Glu figured, was that it isn't just painful for everyone to listen to a impateint jerk; it hurts their head just as much.
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