3 reasons to like 24 again

FOX's political thriller 24 returned to airwaves again. After many hit-and-miss seasons, the show revamped itself once again, moving from Los Angeles to the nation's capitol. CTU is, in effect, gone. The FBI is now the government agency in focus now. The fictional U.S. government -- already having had two African-American presidents -- has now had elected its first female president. A growing overseas genocide is eclipsing her term, one full of political intrigue, spies and moles. 

With the new landscape, new locations and new political term comes an almost entirely new cast of characters. Here are the top three most interesting characters to be seen in this new season:

President Allison Taylor (portrayed by Cherry Jones)

Presumably, Taylor will be given a larger role in the show in future hours, because she is essentially just there on the show to look pretty. And yet, Cherry Jones makes the most out of the scenes she gets, playing a POTUS who is not quite power-hungry, not yet beaten down by the demands of the office. She brings a serious presence to the office. Jones plays Taylor as a thinking woman, a smart intellectual, one who does not make uninformed decisions. (Which, to clarify, is rare in the 24verse.) Taylor is more a contemporary of David Palmer than any of the show's other dozen presidents.

Janis Gold (portrayed by Janeane Garofalo)

Much ado has been made out of the fact that Garofalo is playing a neurotic computer whiz, similar to the show's resident computer nerd, Chloe. However, if you needed an example of how these two are different: Janis Gold uses a PC, Chloe O'Brian uses a Mac. Garofalo gives an incredibly restrained performance of a neurotic, slightly paranoid and very emotional computer programmer. She doesn't give the biting insults to her co-workers like Chloe. Instead, she either reminds them to do their job, or, tries to help them out. The writing, and Garofalo's performance, makes me intrigued to see more of Janis, to figure out what makes her tick.

Agent Renee Walker (portrayed by Annie Wersching)

It would be very easy to portray a tough-as-nails FBI agent as an emotionless robot. So often the tough women are portrayed as empty inside, without a care in the world except their careers. Wersching took her character and made her human. She has a job to do, but, like Bauer, she cares more about doing what's right than going by the rules. While there is yet not much depth to her character (perhaps a romantic entanglement with a boss?), Agent Walker may prove to be one of the most valuable additions to the show in recent seasons.

About "24: Redemption"

And you thought a half-hour commercial was bad.

Have you seen the commercials on FOX Broadcast for 24: Redemption? It's a two-hour TV movie that is nothing more than an elaborate set-up/commercial for the new season. No, seriously. The movie was made after the first few episodes were filmed, in order to "tie things together." How great is Episode 1 if you have to make Episode 0?

Mary Lynn Rasjkub won't be in the prequel as feisty computer genuis Chloe O'Brian. Then, why bother?

Well, Powers Boothe makes a cameo as Daniels, the power-hungry Vice-President from last season. Peter MacNicol returns also. Cherry Jones makes her long-awaited debut as the shows first female president. Jones will also be in the new season, playing the same character. (Hey, odder things have happened. This is 24 we are talking about.)

Jon Voight is in this movie also. Although, without hearing any spoilers, I'm sure he will only make a "surprise" cameo as a twist ending before commercials. It will probably go something like this:

MOVIE VILLAIN: Mission success. 

(figure emerges from shadows. It's Jon Voight, he's playing a villain)

VOIGHT: GOOD. Proceed with the plan as scheduled.

(zoom up on Voight's face. The orchestra goes crazy with suspense. Cut to black.)

Sprague Grayden will be in this movie as well, but IMDb doesn't have her down for the season. That probably means her character dies. She's a very capable actress. Sadly, 24 isn't known for bringing out the best acting in people. Even the versatile Keifer Sutherland occasionally drones on like an automatic action robot. But the acting is not why most people watch the show anyways.

24: Redemption airs Nov. 23 on FOX. I'll watch it, because it is much healthier for me to hate a television show than anything else. Plus, I can watch 24 and Heroes and play the fun weekly game, "which lowered the bar for television quality this week?" It's a tough game.

24: "Never Negoiate With a Sociopath" (Finale)

So it all comes down to this: one-hour's worth of action spread over 2-hours! Good to know that when the writers have the opportunity to raise the stakes they continue to lower them. Stupid 24, I hate you. Here are some random thoughts/recaps:

- Over at Bemusings, my TVGuide fan blog, I suggested some changes for 24 next season. Chief if which is LESS RECAPS! My word, only one thing happens per act, the rest is just an elaborate game of phone tag as people relate what happened at the beginning of the act.
- And I'm sorry, but I'm bitter, so bear with me... What was up with that weird synthetic choir voice? It was very distracting. Sorry, music folk. It just felt... odd and out of place. Which, I guess is in keeping with this season...
- Isn't Jack still technically under arrested?
- Doyle is now blind. (Or, partially blind.) That's what he gets for saying Bauer's sware word. No one else on the show really ever said his sware and they never became blind!
- Rena Sofer can act? She actually wasn't really bad at all this week, as Marylin Bauer. Shocking!
- We met Milo's brother, Stuart, who didn't look anything like Milo. (Honestly, he looked tons better. Well, it's true!)
- Chloe is pregnant. We go from machine guns to tasers to... pregnancy? This year's Chloe moment was definitely a let-down.
- Phillip Bauer was shot by his grandson, then blown up. I think he might be dead.
- Cheng, the Chinese antagonist, lives to see another day, this time in CTU custody.
- At 5:14, we were told the missiles had 22 minutes left before they would attack, bringing the timeline to 5:26. However, it wasn't until at least 5:30 before they attacked. I'm probably one of three people who noticed. I don't feel proud for doing so.
- Daniels realizes that Wayne may have been right about, well, everything today. Even Assad. Suvarov pretty much said that he liked Wayne better, too. Not me! Keep Daniels on for every season now, if it means having no Wayne Palmer... (Actually, D.B. Woodside has a role on a new CBS program this fall, so he'll probably be gone.)
- Remember when CTU was being internally investigated by Division? Yeah, me either. Seriously, what was up with them dropping that plotline?
- Lennox gave Daniels the tape recordings of the Veep and Lisa Miller conspiring to commit perjury.
- The best part of this season was a showdown between Jack Bauer and former Secretary of Defense James Heller, where they discussed how Heller was manipulative and how Bauer is cursed. They argued, Jack got angry and Keifer hopes for another Emmy. Jack went into Audrey's room. He touched her hand and she did nothing. (She's getting over PTSD quickly, then!) In fact, Audrey didn't respond to Keifer at all. It was kind of heart-breaking as Jack said that he had to start all over and part of that was letting Audrey go from his life.
- This year's closing moment was Jack, looking at the shoreline, having just decided to leave his former life behind. The scene faded to black. It was dramatic, which would have fit in fine if this season was dramatic and not, say, just the last 10 minutes. It felt cheap. Not to mention I wanted them to bring somebody back from the dead!
- Unless they deleted this scene, I heard that a previous draft of the finale had Marylin telling Jack that Josh was his half-nephew/half-brother. Ew!
- And... that's it. For 2 hours, I think even less happened than normal. What a letdown!

"None of this makes sense"

"None of this makes sense." - Vice-President Daniels
"It was all for nothing." - Vice-President Daniels, referring to the Mark Bishop plotline that took up the past three episodes

That's what 24 was missing: a fan voice. Lost employs Hurley solely to acknowledge that message boards exist. Alias used Marshall Flinkman to voice fan complaints and theories as well. Now we've got the Vice-President of the United States emerging, in the 22nd hour, as the show's Fan Voice. Better late than never, I suppose. Anywho, let's talk about what happened:

Jack Bauer Power Hour
Milo is dead. A half-hour later, the hostages are allowed to cover up Milo's face with a... a hand towel? A head covering? Zhou sends Josh off with the Chinese which sends Marilyn into a hysterical fit. Which, is completely understandable and in line with her character, but also makes for really annoying TV. Zhou separates the hostages into two groups: Extras and Series Regulars. (Sadly, no extra earns a SAG card tonight.) Jack conspires with Nadia to attack the attackers and even gives Morris a heads-up, but, due to time constraints, leaves Chloe out of it. (Me = sad!) Suddenly, everyone fires guns and goes all kung-fu on everyone, because obviously everyone knows the martial arts. It's confusing. Jack chokes a guy and snaps his neck, while Nadia almost dies. Thankfully, DOYLE shows up with his team and they, well, attack their workplace and save the day. They set off on a foot race to get Josh back into custody. They have a very confusing gunfight.

(Sidenote: Does the lighting on 24 bug anyone else? How is it that whenever a gunfight breaks out there's all this surreal green or blue lighting? It's all very "dramatic." It's been especially dorky this season.)

After a not-so-exciting chase through a manufacturing(?) plant, Josh attacks Cheng, then falls down over a bridge. Jack gets Cheng to put down his weapon and for a second Cheng looks serious about jumping. But then Josh yells "Help!" and Cheng magically disappears. None of this makes sense! Doyle does a sweep and determines that the sub-circuit board isn't there. ("Sub-circuit board" sounded a LOT better back when they called it "The Cypress Audio" or "Cypress Recordings") Jack tells Marylin about Evil Grandpa. Jack tells Josh that everything will be alright when an agent distracts Jack with a phone call. Doyle then seizes Josh and drags him into a helicopter, with Jack yelling Walt! Walt! Walt! for an entire bloody season.

CTU
After the raid, Nadia tells Doyle that Milo is dead. Nadia is still sad. Chloe tells Nadia that all her kung-fu was "really brave" and the two spend the rest of the hour getting things back online. Except, things get annoying when Ben Kram, a Division nuisance, comes in to assess CTU. After all, the attack WAS a big breach in protocol. Nadia points out that it's 3 am and that they're still cleaning up; couldn't this wait until next season? But Division lives to annoy CTU, so, no. Morris tells Nadia not to let Division bog her down and make her feel responsible for Milo's death and it's all "poetic" because he's telling her advice that HE should be taking to heart after helping to arm nuclear bombs for terrorists. It's a nice talk about preventability and responsibility that won't win either of them Emmy's, but it was nice enough. And... that was it for CTU! Maybe Division will close CTU LA down. That'd be exciting for next season!

The Big Bads: Cheng and Evil Grandpa
Philip Bauer talked to Josh early on, telling him "sorry" about "pretending" to threaten his life earlier on in the season. He wants to make it up to him by kidnapping Josh and forcing him to live in China for the rest of his life. (He justifies it by saying that in the States, Josh will forever be ridiculed by what Graham did.) Josh doesn't want to go, but Cheng tells him that he should be "honored," that his Grandpa is a "visionary." Stop flirting, Cheng! After he lost Josh, Cheng phoned Philip to tell him about what happened, if anything so they have footage for the previously on... for next week's episode. Philip says that without his son that the deal is off. Cheng tells Philip that the sub-circuit board isn't hit. Philip says "bite me!" (paraphrasing) and says that Cheng should never, EVER threaten him again, EVER. They are such teenage girls!

Philip Bauer later calls Vice-President Daniels, offering the sub-circuit board in exchange for A) Josh Bauer and B) Clear passage to any country of his choice. Judging by the fact that Doyle took Josh away from Jack, I'm guessing Daniels agreed to Philip's terms.

The White House
First, we didn't get the D.C. plot until 25 minutes into the hour. Karen Hayes - and the audience - were told all about Lisa Miller for about 2, 3 minutes. Karen points out that both Daniels and Lisa were single, so the relationship kinda wasn't that creepy! Daniels says that he trusted her to be truthful and that such a mistake may usher in a world war.

Meanwhile, in Alias, Lisa Miller and Mark Bishop have been..... yeah.... for a half-hour. Lennox has to listen. "And finally, we're done," he remarked all-too-gleefully. Lisa immediately leaves to give Bishop an opportunity to upload files from her PDA. Bishop has an epiphany and decides not to take the bait. He and Lisa fight and it ends with her smashing his head with a wine bottle, her spilling the guts on the whole operation and her getting choked. "Thankfully," the Secret Service move in quick enough to save Lisa's life. (But maybe not her brain!!) Lennox tells Bishop to upload the e-mails anyways, or else he'll face the death penalty. Bishop goes for it.

Later, Karen and Daniels teleconference with Russian President Suvarov (thanks to Cisco technologies!) and they pretend that the S-C.B. was destroyed. Suvarov isn't buying it, in part because Mark Bishop was HIS operative and he had his place bugged, too. So he saw the whole operation go down. Suvarov wants the S-C.B. recovered in two hours or else WWIII will start. Two hours? Why, that's about how much time is left in this non-imaginative season!

After the Philip Bauer phone call, Karen and Daniels debate whether or not to go along with Evil Grandpa's demands. They, along with Lennox, loosely connect Gredenko to the whole plot by pointing out that Russia has anti-American generals and that oh my word, Gredenko was anti-American too! So, am I connected to Kevin Bacon? Because, I'm American. I think that makes just as much sense as how they tried to explain how Gredenko fit into the whole picture.

Next Week: The show is two hours long! Buchannan is in, and let me tell you this: from the spoilers I've seen, his role is going to be awesome. The fact that he'll be back isn't nearly as cool as what he'll be doing. There's also something about a plane, Cheng, a oil rig?, Chloe falling over sick, oh, and there was still some money left in the budget for a huge EXPLOSION!!!

Goodbye, Milo... Again

(I didn't take notes while watching 24 last night, so this is all based on memory. If there are any inaccuracies, please forgive me.)

- Milo is dead. Long may Milo stay dead! We first said "goodbye, I guess?" to Milo in season one when Eric Balfour left to film a pilot. (The story of his life!) He came back this season, for some unknown reason, and suddenly became super-agent man and took a bullet to the shoulder which required a soft-splint-sling for about two hours until the continuity kings lost their notes, again. Now he is most definitely dead, being executed by terrorist thugs.
- You know what's really creepy? The fact that Nadia and Doyle are now pretty much an item. Seriously, Nadia is one very forgiving woman if she has feelings for the sadist...
- Keifer Sutherland guest-starred in this week's episode.
- Speaking of guest stars, thanks for saying "James Cromwell" in the credits, show. Way to ruin your big end-of-the-hour surprise.
- The Chinese attacked CTU to kidnap a 15-year-old?
- We have two big bads this season: Cheng Zhi and Phillip Bauer. Both have the personality of a phone book, combined.
- Morris is handling his break-up with Chloe remarkably well. Chloe? Isn't. It's kind of hard to remember that the actress who plays Chloe is a comedian. She does sad so well!
- Lisa Miller played Sydney Bristow this week, lying to Mark Bishop about the Russian crisis and, well, yeah... with him in the process. Despite his limited range, Michael Vartan made a much better handler than Peter MacNicols. Sorry, Lennox.
- Next week: Um... Stuff? I don't understand FOX's promos for 24 anymore. I just wait until they release a new promo mid-week, those tend to be coherent. Only two more weeks left until this season is behind us! And until we get the cliffhanger that could either redeem the whole season, or it will cement it as the ridiculous season ever.
- My "I've Seen Spoilers!" Hint of the Week: Chloe was feeling really frumpy after Morris broke up with her. But, that's not the only reason she feels out of it.

24: PTSD, Love and Spies

The final five hours of the season are now here, and things are starting to move somewhere, for once in this season. Which, it's kind of sad that it takes Cheng to speed the season up, but, I'll take what I can get. Here's what happened last night, play-by-play:

Act I.
Doyle and his men clean up all the C4 that Bauer implanted. Doyle talks to Audrey, asking if she knows anything about Cheng and his men. She just stares straight ahead and repeats, "Help me, Jack. Please don't let them do this to me!" The fact that she repeats that same line over and over, while looking blankly ahead, makes me think of Princess Leia's hologram message in Star Wars. Back at CTU, new honcha Nadia wants a perimeter sweep to find Cheng and his men. She also tells Morris that his request to be transferred out of CTU LA has been denied. Morris is mad, but Nadia will have none of it. (Her body language says "Bite me.") Doyle calls Nadia up, informing her of what happened last episode out in the field. Doyle laments that if he didn't interfere, the chip - and Bauer - would have been destroyed, and that he goofed it all up. Nadia says that he saved Jack, and that's what's important.

Lisa Miller arrives back home to find Mark Bishop, her [other] boyfriend. Lisa mentions that she has a half hour, and then blabs about her day at work. He tells her to "stop talking" as they go into the bedroom. Ew! Stop it, 24. I don't like this season of love. It's just creepy! In the White House, Acting President Daniels thanks Karen for firing Buchannan. "I appreciate your sacrifice." Lennox enters, telling him that there's a teleconference with Russian President Suvarov, and pronto! Apparently, the Russians already know about the chip, much to the surprise of Team Washington. Daniels points out that it was a Russian (Gredenko) that brought the chip - and the nukes - to American soil in the first place, but Russia pretty much threatens to attack the US base in Russia, which would, in affect, start World War III. (This teleconference brought to you by Cisco!) Meanwhile, Cheng tries to upload the chip to his techie, but the circuit board is damaged and they need someone "with expertise" to fix it.

Act II.
Um... Lisa and Mark Bishop are done... She goes to take a shower. Mark Bishop gets up and uploads all of Lisa's personal information onto his (cell phone?), all while in his boxers. (The cameraman, or woman, really liked that. Creepy season.) Basically, Lisa is being used by Bishop to help spy for the Russians, without her knowledge. At CTU, Chloe confronts Morris, where he tells her that it's "uncomfortable" working with her, which is the biggest understatement EVER. Morris is especially mad that she brought up the fact that he helped arm nukes for terrorists. Chloe is sad. Morris tells her that "It's over," which, they DIVORCED each other years ago, so, weren't they "over" in the first place? Chloe's still sad, and, according to Closed Captioning, she "sniffles," then "sobs quietly."

Karen talks to Nadia on the phone. Karen mentions that there's a mole either in LA or DC. Karen pretty much tells at Nadia to find Cheng, then Nadia yells at Karen that she shouldn't have fired Bill, and it's the most underplayed telephone cat fight ever. Karen basically tells Nadia to shut up, then hangs up. Milo then gets a 15-second cameo. A Dr. Bradley, from Division, comes in to talk to Audrey, who is now back at CTU and in the deadly medical wing. Audrey is still unresponsive and has sores all over her arm. Bauer wants to talk to her, but Doyle locks Jack up in a holding room. Bradley quickly diagnoses that Audrey has over 100 injection sites all over her body and is a level 3 catatonic, or something, and basically needs to be shocked out of her current state - with deadly drugs! Doyle and Nadia don't like it, but Bradley's from Division, so he outranks everyone, as Nadia acknowledges. Doyle is mad, saying that she should have stood up to him. "It's what Buchannan would've done." Nadia gets mad. Somewhere, some 24 fan is coming out with "WWBD: What would Buchannan do?" bracelets.

Act III.
Lisa gets a call from Daniels, telling her to come back to the White House, now. After she leaves, Bishop calls his handler, asking for his "next move." Lennox then informs Daniels that the source of the leak is from a lobbyist named Mark Bishop, who has apparent ties to Russian intelligence. And talks very frequently to Lisa Miller. Lennox pretty much has to spell it out for Daniels that Bishop and Lisa are sleeping together. This unsettles Daniels, who confesses to Lennox that he's been sleeping with Lisa as well. Lennox has this terrific look of absolute horror on his face for the next 3 minutes. Daniels says that after his wife, Nancy, died, he turned to Lisa for comfort and... yeah. Lennox quickly strategizes that they can use this dirty love triangle to their advantage.

Back at CTU, Doyle avoids filling out paperwork and field reports by going in to Jack's holding room and uncuffing him. He fills Jack in on the doings of the evil. Dr. Bradley. Doyle wants Jack to stop him, by any means necessary. So Jack fakes an attack on Doyle, steals his keycard, attacks people in front of Audrey, a PSTD victim, and kidnaps her out of CTU medical. Yeah, that'll help. Bradley and Nadia institute a lock down. Milo, getting his second cameo, asserts that if Jack were allowed to talk to Audrey in the first place, none of this would have happened. Nadia? Still mad at all her co-workers.

Act IV.
Morris has found Jack via CTU's security cameras. Nadia notices that Chloe is MIA. Nobody else cares. (Ha!) Nadia also figures out that Doyle conspired to help Jack break Audrey out of CTU medical. When asked why, Doyle pretty much says "because I'm difficult." Man, they are all such kids! Jack and Audrey hide in a room, which Jack locks and jams. Jack then comforts Audrey, telling her that she's safe. He then gives Audrey her bio and life history, to help her remember herself. Kim Raver does this absolutely awesome thing with her eyes darting around and trying to make contact with Jack, and it's also kind of sad, because this is by far the best acting I've seen from her. Meanwhile, Nadia and her men try to enter, using power tools. Jack asks Audrey about Cheng, but she's unresponsive. Jack tells Audrey that he loves her. They hug. She holds his hand. Aw!

Nadia's men break into the room. Doyle points his gun at Jack, Jack points his gun at Doyle and I think this is at least the third standoff between these two men in the past three episodes. Audrey utters "Bloomfield," which just could be Audrey trying to remember "Bloomingdale's," which means she just really wants to go shopping. Dr. Bradley says that Audrey is a raving lunatic and that "Bloomfield" could mean nothing. Nadia, estatic to finally have a lead, gets the courage to tell Dr. Bradley off. She promises Jack that Bradley won't touch Audrey again and has him put back in custody.

Act V.
The Russian army is apparently moving into striking distance of the US base. Lisa Miller comes face to face with Daniels, where they re-hash this hour's developments. Daniels plays a recent tape of Bishop talking to his handler, asking what his "next move" is. Daniels does this very intimidating circle-walk around Lisa, saying that he always knew she was a liar, he just didn't think she'd lie to him. Daniels says that lying to him is pretty much treason, which he's not okay with now, despite what happened a few hours ago. Daniels commands Lisa to make Bishop believe that they got the component. Lisa's sad. Daniels feels better.

Back at CTU, former Secretary of Defense James Heller just happened to be within an hour's drive of CTU and is talking to her in the medical ward. He then tells Nadia he wants to speak to Bauer. Doyle then trots up and tells Nadia that "Bloomfield" may be the location of Cheng's base of operations. Nadia is very happy, but tells Doyle that he was right. Doyle says that Nadia was good, too. Their eyes lock for a second. Uh-oh... (Ew!)

Bauer comes face-to-face with Heller for the first time in years, last hearing that he survived a fall from a cliff. (Don't ask.) Heller tells Jack that he's not allowed near Audrey ever, ever again, that what happened to her is a result of her loyalty to him. He says "stay away" about a hundred times. He tells Jack that he is "cursed," that everything he touches, one way or another, winds up dead. Jack is very sad.

Next week: Bauer wants to "clean his mess up." Lisa plays Sydney Bristow, but without the wigs. Marylin Bauer returns for some odd reason at 2 in the morning, and something happens, involving an attack by Cheng's thugs. But considering they showed flashes last week of armored men at CTU and Nadia surrendering, I'm pretty certain it's an attack at CTU. And the reason why? Well, from what I've heard, it's not just to repair the chip. And what happens as a result of this raid will help set up the final hours. Excited yet? Good. Because the anticipation is soo much better than what will happen.

24: Braindead and Babbling

24 never ceases to amaze. Just when you think Jack Bauer might be happy, they pull the rug out and let something terrible happen. Nina Myers turned out to be a nasty mole, Teri died, Kate broke up with him, Claudia died, Kim hates him and now Audrey is braindead. I know that Jack Bauer is supposed to be like a figure from Greek tragedy, but come on now...

This week at CTU: Milo had only a few speaking lines. Hooray! He still managed to be annoying. Buchannan realized that he needs Chloe out on the field, so she can hop back into action. Morris and Chloe bickered like a once-married couple. It's funny, until Chloe mentions that Morris armed the nukes earlier. That sets Morris into a funk and decides he wants a transfer out of LA. (Considering the mortality rate at CTU LA, I don't blame him.) Buchannan agrees to find a better place for him in a few hours. BUT, that's not going to happen because his wife, Karen Hayes, fires him. He hands the reigns over to Nadia Yassir, who is kind of freaked about the whole thing. Buchannan is escorted by security out the building, where he is free to go home. Remember that.

This week in Doyle's Deranged Mind: Doyle follows Jack's trail, acting like he's Locke on Lost or something and decudes which of LA's 15-bajillion roads that Jack's going down. CTU then spends half an episode to confirm Doyle's theory. Doyle finds Jack's truck, which looked to be well-hidden when we saw Jack hiding it, but really, it's just parked out in the open. Doyle sees stuff going down and decides he wants to kill people. So, he engages in a very confusing (for me) firefight. When all is said and done, he arrests Jack, but not before Jack tells him what a complete and utter idiot he is. Here here!

This Week w/Tim RussertTom Lennox: Palmer will be in a coma for maybe hours, days, weeks or months, ie Until the writers figure out what to do with him. Acting President Daniels talks to Lennox about what he might do with the evidence implicating Daniels conspiring to commit perjury. Lennox says it's just for protection and that he does not want Daniels to resign. They remain BFF's. Daniels is very happy and spends time with his assistant/flame Lisa Miller. They kiss, embrace and she goes back home to get a few changes of clothing before she "stays the night." Ew.

Meanwhile, Karen Hayes gets a visit from Peter Hork from DOJ, a man who is supposedly very powerful. So powerful, we've never met him before now, but I recognized the actor. (Jonathan Adams, from the first season of Bones.) He reminds Karen, by way of videotape of Reed Pollock, that Buchannan had Fayed in custody a few years ago and let him go. (Because of a lack of evidence, Karen adds.) DOJ is looking for a scapegoat. At twelve o'clock in the morning, just hours after beginning an investigation. How believable! So, after talking to the DOJ man and her frienemy, Lennox, Hayes decides to fire her husband. Here's how the conversation goes down:
Karen: I'm firing you, Bill.
Buchannan: That's crazy talk. Why?
Karen: Because it's been one hour since the threat has been stabilized and the DOJ wants all hearings and investigations done by sunrise, apparently. Sorry.
Buchannan: You're my wife, and I love you but... this is stupid.

This Week in Jack Bauer's Life: He went rogue. He ditched a tracking chip from the Russian-device-thing and went incognito out on a freeway. (Doyle found him anyways.) He contacted Cheng and set up a new meeting place, one that kind of looks like part of a deserted wild west set that's probably clogging up some backlot. Bauer parks in the open, then proceeds to rid a building with C4. Cheng arrives with Audrey and Jack is happy. He then tells Audrey that he is sorry and that she should go to a gas station down the road. (Because it's a suicide mission, you see, and he wants Audrey to survive) Jack gives Cheng the chip when magically a huge firefight breaks out. Cheng gets away with the chip. And Audrey keeps babbling nonsense and curls up into a ball. Jack gets arrested by Doyle, AGAIN, and is ticked off that Audrey's not all there. (Not that she ever was...)

Next week: I don't know. The previews flash so many things nowdays to try to get people to care about this season that I could make out a firefight, Jack's mad and that Suavarov and Daniels talk. And that Daniels deduces that there is a "spy" in the administration. I believe the term is mole, sir. Mole. We don't say "spy" on this show. Also, in new commercials, there's a flash of Nadia with her hands above her head, like she's surrendering. Oh-oh...

At this rate, the season is pretty much never going to recover. It's Mexico all over again. Not to mention that I know some of what's going to happen (I've turned to spoilers for 24... It makes life easier to live this way.), and... yeah, there's no hope. Something really ridiculous will be happening within the next 1-2 weeks. One or two good things may come from it, but ultimately, yeah, it's going to be very stupid. *sigh* And to think last season we had Emmy-worthy performances by Jean Smart and Gregory Itzen...

Random TV Thoughts: Mindy Doo's Ticked Off

- Thank you, America, for voting off Sanjaya. This show is a search for the next superstar singer, not superstar freak. Although, I did enjoy the ponyhawk week. That may be one of the most memorable TV moments from this decade yet.
- You know that horribly hilarious moment on the Idol results show in which our Mindy Doo had to choose which group got the top number of votes? According to someone who was in the audience, Melinda was ticked off at Nigel Hawthorne for putting her in that situation. (Which, being the mother hen that she is, I can imagine her being very mad!)
- The same report also says that Sanjaya cried, a lot. Same with Kiki. And then Melinda. Also? The audience didn't like that Fergie's performance was pre-taped. At all.
- America's Got Talent has made it official: Sharon Osbourne is the new judge, replacing Brandy. I feel bad for Brandy's legal situation, in part because she was such a fun part of the show. But Sharon Osbourne is very entertaining in her own right. Not to mention that, unlike her husband, she has a few brain cells left.
- I know that projects fronted by JJ Abrams tend to have a very unique story telling structure. They'll set up a huge mystery then drop it for a couple weeks, THEN come back to it, while setting up other stories in the meantime. But, even by those standards, Lost is taking quite the break from explaining what Locke's dad is doing on the island. It's not like he fell out of a helicopter or anything!
- I've read spoilers for 24 from very reliable sources, sources that have consistently proved right. And the rest of season 6? Not going to get better. The writers will be employing two popular soap opera techniques by the time the clock strikes 6:00 AM PT. (That's right, CTU is going to watch Luke and Laura's wedding!)
- I've been catching a couple repeats of Gilmore Girls on ABCFamily here and there, and... It's good! Honestly, the dialogue is so well-written, it's just a treat to sit back and hear everyone talk. And it's very, very witty, too!

24 Recap: Season 6.1? More like 2.1

24 hasn't just started a completely new storyline. It's continuing to revamp season two, but in a very interesting way. Take, for instance, the Palmer-Daniels plotline. In Season 2, President (David) Palmer was put on a 25th Amendment trial, exonerated and he collapsed in public. In Season 6, President (Wayne) Palmer was put on a 25th Amendment trial, exonerated and he collapsed in public. Except Wayne's collapse wasn't terrorism-related, nor was it the season cliffhanger, meaning the writers actually have to think of some new material for this plotline. That is a reason to be excited!

Season 2 also had a major shift in gears. After the Sayed Ali plotline fizzled out, we got word that the mastermind of the day's sorcery was a man named Kingsley. Kingsley was helped out by someone from way early in the season who thought she was doing the country good, but wound up doing great, great harm. Season 6 showed the Abu Fayed plotline (literally) die in front of us, but then we switched gears to the final Big Bad, the evil Cheng. Now who, in this season, thought he was doing the country great good, but was doing great harm? Well, yeah, Graem, but he's dead. And, for now, people stay dead on 24. So the only other person? Henderson Phillip Bauer. Now, it doesn't make sense for Phillip and Cheng to be working together. But it fits the Season 2 formula, ergo, Phillip should be coming back with a connection to the never-dying Chinese plot. Stupid show.

One last thing from Season 2 was something known as the Cyprus Recordings. It was a single digital audio recording that had Sayed Ali talking to people from "three middle-eastern countries," conspiring to commit terrorism. Jack Bauer got proof that this was a fake, but conveniently, the other witnesses died and no one believed Jack. So he went rogue to prove his point, and to save LA from the second plotline's threat. Season 6 has Jack getting some doohickey off of a Russian-made suitcase for modified nuclear bombs. Cheng wants the thingimabob. Jack wants to "trade" it, but he won't give it to Cheng, he'll kill him first. No one believes him. Period. So Jack goes rogue. I wonder if Sherry Palmer will come back from the dead to help him?

To recap the episode itself, it was a grand game of telephone. First, we got to see Cheng's demands via the previouslies. Then Jack told Chloe about it. Then Chloe told Morris. Then Chloe told Buchannan during commercial break. Then Buchannan told Doyle. Then Jack told Wayne. Then later, Karen told Daniels. And who says 24 is a hard show to catch up on? They remind you of ONE PLOT a half-dozen times an episode. Eventually, everyone goes along with Jack's plan, but not after every single actor and actress gets to express their doubt. Then Noah Daniels becomes President and cancels that plan. Jack goes rogue. THE END!

Over in Washington, DC, Wayne Palmer finally became fed up with the bunker set. After all, it's hideous! It didn't have the charm of the hotel room in season 1, or the quaintness of the Oregon retreat. It did have a bit more character (and color) than Division, granted. But going from the retro-Casa de Logans to this? It's sucky. So they move back to the Oval Office, which is made to look as bleak as possible. I mean, it's the Oval Office. It should look intimidating or powerful, not boring.

Anyways, Wayne holds a news conference. And you can tell that there's not one journalist in this week's writers room because everyone was civilized. I'm sorry, but after weeks of terrorist attacks, capped by a nuclear attack and a attack on the President's life, then being cut off from everyone for a few hours? I'm sorry, but the press wouldn't sit there like well-behaved school children. They'd be salivating at the mouths, hungry for more details and information. Especially if they get a chance to talk to Wayne. They especially won't just sit there and only let one person raise their hand at a time. And they definitely won't do it SILENTLY, without even a murmur. The press corps murmured on Commander-in-Chief. Shoot, they murmur in many movies. So why does 24 feel exempt from details like this? Why? If they want to be a gutsy show, then hire actors to act like journalists. Stupid show.

Moving on, Wayne gives a press conference and says that everything's fine now. Then he has trouble remembering names and stammers his speech. This is where we get worried he might be having a stroke. But, before he can slur his speech any further, he collapses onto the ground and is rushed to Bethesda, where he's being treated (off-camera) for a massive cerebral hemorrhage. Noah Daniels then can legally become President. And with Lisa Miller, too! (There was also something about him being blackmailed by Wayne to resign, but, whatever. That's a mute point.)

What was good: Minimal Milo moments. And not much Nadia, either. Lots of sniping involving Chloe and Morris. We saw Buchannan come out of his second-story office, which I still don't get why it's decorated like a giant barcode.

What was bad: We spent many episodes debating whether or not Wayne was fit to serve, right? After being in a coma? Then we spent a few episodes dealing with his recovery? Now he's incapacitated, AGAIN. And Noah's President, AGAIN. It's Days of Our Lives: Primetime Edition! Also, was Jack bluffing about that C4? Or did he strap on a suicide bomber vest during a commercial break?

Chloe Moments:
Jack: "Audrey's still alive."
Chloe: (deadpans) "No, she's not."

(while waiting for a while to be sent)
Jack: "Chloe, I don't see anything."
Chloe: "It needs to load before it sends." (Followed by akward silence. I love it!)

24: 9 - 10 pm, Day 6

Last night's episode of 24 felt like the finale in many ways. We pretty much resolved our villain plots, we had a major resolution to the Vice-President storyline and Buchannan and Hayes wuv each other still. We just have to deal with everyone nuking each other, realize that Audrey is alive then we can pack up early and go home. Let's end this season early, okay? Please? It'll be less embarrassing if you do...

The D.C. Plotline
We started off this week with Wayne Palmer, in a nice, crisp new suit, demanding that he not be seen in a wheelchair. When Karen Hayes points out that one of America's most beloved, memorable presidents was in a wheelchair, Wayne just growls at her and makes his doctor inject him with adrenaline. Presumably, he still has massive brain swelling, but that's not mentioned at all in this episode.

The cabinet convenes for a trial, as in accordance with the 25th Amendment. You remember how boring it was in season 2 when they did this? It's still not all that exciting. After about 3 minutes of debate, the cabinet votes 7-7 to remove Wayne from power. The attorney general says that since there is no majority, Wayne stays in power. The veep gets all angry, saying that Karen Hayes' vote shouldn't count, because she resigned for about 2 hours. So the Attorney General goes off to get the Supreme Court in session and gives everyone about 10, 15 minutes to submit written affidavits.

The veep's incredibly creepy sultress, Lisa Miller, says that she will commit perjury and lie to SCOTUS by saying that she was going to tell Karen that the veep doesn't recognize her in power, but then got sidelined by Wayne waking up. Daniels loves this plan and shares a forbidden moment as they gaze into each other's eyes. Ew. Tom Lennox enters and sends Lisa out. Lennox says that he bugged the room and was spying on the acting President of the United States. Which I'm sure is a felony, at least. BUT... So is perjury. So Lennox strong-arms Daniels into dropping the case.

Wayne doesn't show much emotion upon hearing this news, because he is becoming woosy and drowsy. (I wonder why?) But Sandra Palmer, the only apparent legal aide that Wayne was allowed, is ecstatic. Wayne wants more adrenaline to keep him upright, but the doctor warns that it'll raise his blood pressure to extreme levels, risking inevitable death. Wayne doesn't care. Why? Because he is going to nuke the middle-east anyways. Yup, that's right. That strike that he was so against? That his life was risked for to stop? That we just spent this WHOLE EPISODE dealing with, trying to stop? Yeah, it's going ahead anyways. Either there's something we don't know, or they just wasted our time these past few episodes.

Counter-Terrorism Unit (CTU) Plot:
We spent 2 minutes after we saw the previouslies as Buchannan, well, told Jack was happened last week. IN CASE YOU FORGOT. Doyle thinks that the security breach came from Milo's system and he wants Nadia to spy on Milo. Doyle says that he and her got off to a bad start, but wants to help make things right. Nadia is reluctant to help, and good for her! I mean, he assaulted her, accused her of being a traitor pretty much because of racist/racial profiling, and an hour later he wants to be buddy-buddy and have her SPY on her new love? Nadia pretty much gives him the look of "you're absolutely daffy," but she does it anyways. And Milo forgot some security protocol, so yes, the breach was "his fault." Doyle sees this evidence and DELETES IT. And that's it for that plotline. Yes, it was that riveting and fulfilling. We wasted 10, 15 minutes then just said "Forget all about that!" and thus CTU ended it's soap plot for the week. Stupid, stupid...

The Jack Bauer Power Hour:
Jack who? Oh yeah, the man holding Gredenko in custody. Anyways, he spends about an hour getting paperwork for a amnesty agreement that the US won't actually honor. Gredenko sets up a meeting with Fayed. Before they let Gredenko meet Fayed, a agent injects the crazy man's arm with radioactive isotope, so they can track him via computers. Gredenko meets up with Fayed, and says that he knows of a way to escape. How, you ask? After all, CTU is tracking him with the isotope. Well, as Bauer finds out, they cut off Gredenko's arm. Gross!

So naturally, Gredenko and Fayed run away and hide in a bar. Gredenko yells that Fayed is the terrorist responsible for today's attacks and all the drunks are eager to beat the creepster up. Bauer enters and takes Fayed into custody, but has lost Gredenko. That's because Gredenko is underneath a few piers, which are magnificently lit, and he bleeds to death.

Next week: Wayne collapses. Fayed is interrogated. And Jack Bauer dies, AGAIN. Stupid show.

Season 3 similarities: Gredenko's arm chopping adventure is reminiscent of Chase getting his hand lopped off. And Wayne becoming addicted to adrenaline? I do believe Jack was a druggy that season. Hhhmmm...

Misdirection Rules on "24"

Not that 24 ever really had sensibilities since season 3... In this past episode of 24, Jack Bauer learned that Audrey Raines - a very popular character, played by an actress that everyone loved and Keifer especially loved working with - died an off screen dead and that her remains were apparently identified through DNA. I mean, Jack Bauer's died enough times where even he should be able to see through this...

And Nadia is the "mole" for the season. That's right, CTU's hard-working, loyal, registered-Republican, Muslim right-hand woman is thought to be a mole, responsible for helping the Russians set off a drone carrying a nuclear bomb. But, Nadia is using a work station that's under Milo's access codes. And, the rule of moles in 24 is that they always, ALWAYS interrogate the wrong suspect. ALWAYS. So either Mike Doyle's incident in Denver was that he helped mob members infiltrate CTU Denver, or, Milo's a mole. (I guess Nadia could actually be a mole, but, that doesn't fit the story to-date. Her only crime so far has been standing around, looking pretty and getting discriminated against by the government for being born Middle-Eastern. My money's on Milo.)

Wayne Palmer is in a coma, by the way. The President of the United States is in a coma. And who said this show wasn't a soap opera? It minus well have Marc and Amanda in it from Ugly Betty. At least then the show would be fun! Vice-President Daniels is hellbent on dropping a nuke on a non-specified (to us) middle-eastern country in retaliation for today's attacks. (And, I presume, the weeks of previous terrorist attacks on the country as well.) The problem is, the evidence he has is very, very shaky at best. But, that doesn't matter to him, he's going ahead with the plan. (Just like Season 2's Veep, who was this close to nuking middle-eastern countries based on one single piece of shaky evidence.)

Enter Karen Hayes. Having taken a few episodes off, Hayes returns as acting National Security Advisor and pretty much tells Daniels that he's just plain stupid. Man, I missed her... She's such a voice of reason on the show, it's amazing that they wrote her character in the first place! Hayes and Lennox, bitter rivals at the beginning of the season, now realize that they must team up to stop a greater evil. (This is very similar to how Hayes and Bucchanan's relationship started out.) But their biggest adversary would seem to be Lisa, who is, by all appearances, not a human, but some sort of robot or alien, capable of setting up 300 meetings simultaneously while giving bone-chilling stares in the process. That lady is creepy! If she doesn't turn out to be a second mole, I will be disappointed.

In order to stop Vice-President Daniels, Karen Hayes will have to talk to the annoying Sandra Palmer and get consent for waking Wayne up, something that will almost definitely result in permanent brain damage. The one doctor overseeing Wayne talked to Karen about talking to Sandra but said, quote, "I would advise against it." I know he was talking about waking Wayne up, but I like to think that he was talking about seeing Sandra in general, considering how much energy she has already sucked out of this lackluster season.

Abu Fayed and Dmitri Gredenko still don't like each other. They set off a drone, but then decided that they needed to stretch out the nuke plotline even further, so they packed up camp and went to a new hiding place. Gredenko is still, presumably, hoping to restore the USSR to power, which never ceases to be hilarious. It's like having a neo-Nazi as a villian... You know they're deranged, you know they'll never win, you just enjoy watching whatever it is they're doing on-screen.

Which brings us back to Jack Bauer... He's at CTU, presumably so the actors there can finally tell interviewers that YES, I've seen Keifer on set this season. And what was up with Marylin Bauer? She was waiting in the hallway for Keifer in some awkward closet of a room, like some strange video game nymph waiting to introduce a cut scene. She then gave Keifer new plot objectives, informing him that Audrey had died. And, being a video-game nymph, she promptly disappeared for the rest of the episode, having given out crucial details to the plot. We also had the obligatory shirtless Keifer Sutherland scene, as if it's necessary to include such a scene every six hours to remind us that actors work out. Vanity, you confuse me.

Charles Logan turned into a flesh-eating zombie and has teamed up with undead Sherry Palmer to raise an army to attack San Francisco. This could very well be true, considering we have yet to find out what happened to Logan after he was stabbed in an artery last week.

Next week it's all about trying to wake Wayne Palmer up to stop WWIII. But since it's still nowhere near the May finale, I'm not sure what can happen... If they end it, they still need something to occupy themselves with for another eight hours or so. But if they can't stop the war, then they need to end that in eight hours, which could be even more difficult.

What? "24" was GOOD last night?

I find that I like entertainment programs a lot better when I'm tired. I enjoy movies a lot more after I've been up since before daybreak, because I'm so tired I can't really concentrate on much else except the movie. I think that being really tired helped me enjoy last night's episode of 24 a lot. That, and the fact that it actually felt rehearsed and thought-out.

First off, let's just talk about the DC plotline, since that's what was being promo'd in the commercials anyways. If you were thinking that they can't blow up the President, let's take a look back at past seasons and how they've treated people associated with the office of POTUS:
Season 1: Assassination attempt on a Senator running for President
Season 2: "Evil" Veep helps stage a coup, takes the POTUS out of power for a few hours
Season 3: Scandal keeps POTUS from running for re-election. His wife dies.
Season 4: POTUS is shot down in Air Force One, presumed to have died or be in grave physical condition. Veep is cowardly. Former POTUS called in to help run the show.
Season 5: POTUS turned out to be one of America's biggest traitors, to date, helping terrorists and plotting to kill the Russian President.

So yeah, they can kill Wayne Palmer. But will they? Since I know what's going to happen, I'll just be quiet and say that the plotline won't exactly become more respectable.

Hey, what's up with Wall Street? Sorry, I'm just seeing the news now. What's up, traders? Wasn't there excellent news from the housing sector this morning? Honestly now...


CTU doesn't exist, Morris O'Brian does. Seriously, he's an engaging character, but when did the Counter-Terrorism Unit become all about Morris and Chloe? It's like the old days when all CTU was good for was for Michelle and Tony to bicker to one another about stupid little things. I love Morris, but I'd rather see everyone WORK at CTU instead of worrying about Morris. At least Bucchanan admitted the show's writers are on drugs, stating that it was too soon to put Morris back out on the field. 'Ya think?

The only reason last night's episode was good was because of Gregory Itzen, reprising his role as Charles Logan. The Sega of the Logans was one of the most captivating plotline's I've seen on television, almost Shakespearean in nature. When we last saw Charles Logan, he was being led away by authorities after being implicated in season 5's terrorist attacks. This season, we found out that Logan was placed under house arrest and that the public has no clue that he was responsible for the attacks. (Does Gawker and Drudge Report not exist in the 24verse? Seriously now...) Logan claims that he has had time to repent for his sins and that he has re-found his religious faith and is looking to lead a more pious life. But is he redeemed or not, Jack Bauer wonders.
SIDENOTE: Do you remember me making a few comparisons to Alias? About how this season has shades of that cult hit? Well, there was the horrendous villain, Arvin Sloane, who after the main character disappeared for a couple of years, came back only to find out the Sloane had redeemed himself and was the head of a UNICEF organization. Considering the 24 writers recycle from their own episodes, I wouldn't be surprised if they got "inspiration" from Alias as well.

What made this episode good was Gregory Itzen. He has such command and presence on-screen, it's incredible. By the end of Season 5, it became increasingly clear that this man was an excellent actor, and this episode only underscores that. While you know that this man was pure evil, you can't help but feel compassion for him as he looks at an old photograph of him and his wife (played by the equally awesome Jean Smart). When 24 is at it's best, it has strong supporting actors. We used to have people like Dennis Haysbert and Penny Johnson Jerald on the show. Now we have Eric Balfour. Hopefully, Powers Boothe is as good of an actor as everyone says he is and that Vice-President Daniels turns out to be an amazing character. Because as good of actors as many on the cast our, we need more standouts again, like Charles Logan.

Villain of the Week Update: Fayed is still alive and still giving his top-of-the-hour report to Gredenko, as they talk in the past-tense about what's going to happen. Seriously, I think Fayed exists solely to provide a clip to show in the "Previously On" montage. And there were multiple times throughout the episode, in all plotlines, where people were blatantly "Previously'ing" their dialogue. Anyways, Gredenko is planning on releasing the nukes through drone predators. Clever! Gredenko also reminded us that he hates Arabs, because they "live in the dark ages," or maybe he's a racists, I don't know. He also reminded us tat he plans on having the Arabs and the West go to war with each other (uh, like NOW, in reality, 24?) so that Russia can take over the world once again as the Soviet Union. Really, it's a flawless plan on Gredenko's part. Well, it would be, if you're crazy! And, he is.

Next week, we find out the fates of Assad and Wayne Palmer. (It'll be fun!) And Jack Bauer breaks into the Russian Embassy. Yes, he breaks into a embassy. Because, since we're STILL dealing with the ramifications of Bauer breaking into a Chinese embassy in season FOUR, why not break into a Russian embassy?
At least I have Gregory Itzen to watch. Otherwise, I'd be in tears over 24 again.

When Will Something Happen on "24"?

Seriously, can something happen now on "24"? Because, so far, the story isn't going anywhere. We've detonated a nuclear bomb, yes, but that seemed to be as far as that plot was willing to go. We've got three nuclear bombs on the loose, but there is no sense of urgency whatsoever. We met Jack Bauer's brother, who died. And his father, who is evil. And is played by an actor who's idea of Philip Bauer is someone who displays no emotion, energy, willpower, thought or inkling of life whatsoever. BORING!

We found out that a Russian General, Gredenko, believes he can help reform the Soviet Union. HA! And he's the Big Bad for the season? A disillusioned loser who can't accept the truth, decades later? Too funny! Gredenko somehow found out that Pa and Brother Bauer assassinated David Palmer, Tony Almedia and Michelle Dessler-Almedia, so he somehow forced them to give up nukes that their all important company that Philip has worked his WHOLE LIFE TO BUILD to Fayed, so he could come up with an elaborate plan to arm the nukes, instead of having the Bauer's company arm them? Is that it? That's very, very complicated.

24 also gave us a very, very funny moment last night. Philip Bauer was about to execute his son, Jack. Now, we know that since Jack is played by Keifer Sutherland, and that it's on February sweeps, he wouldn't die. But Jack kept doing this big, long confessional thing, laying down the guilt on his father. (The father, BTW, is the king at guilt trips. Who knew the Bauers could manipulate emotions like that?) Jack kept waiting and waiting for his father to kill him, and eventually got soo ticked off that he wasn't shooting him that he turned around, only to find out that his father had run away! HA! Seriously, I've waited forever to see something like this on 24. A man was held at gunpoint, turned into a blabbering mess, while the gun-holder just quietly snuck out and did his thing. I love it! Just for that, Philip Bauer has my new found respect.

Next week, Gregory Itzen reprises his role as Charles Logan. Why? Because, Logan somehow knows something about Gredenko's location. Because Charles Logan is the new Sherry Palmer, of course! Jean Smart will also return to play Martha Logan, who has had a big change in her life since the season 5 finale... But, that's besides the point. Why does LOGAN know Gredenko's location? Are they buddies? It would figure that Charles would keep close contact with a man who believes he can still restore the Soviet Union.

Meanwhile, CTU is still mad that Morris isn't back to 100%. Which, considering Milo was able to heal after a gunshot wound after about 40 minutes, I guess I can *kind of* see where they're coming from. But still, lay off the man! And get another techie in there. Man, between Morris and then having released Fayed from custody before, Buchannan just isn't have a good day at all.

Oh, and Wayne Palmer might die next week. I hope so. It's not that I don't have respect for fictional American Presidents. I just don't have respect for Wayne Palmer as President. (BTW, I've known what's going to happen with that plotline for a few weeks now, and I'm very excited/nervous/frustrated about what will happen as a result of this upcoming episode. And that's all I'll tease about that!)

*SPOILERS* What I learned from the 2-hour "24" event

Philip Bauer is evil. This would be more impressive if James Cromwell would decide to wake up and ACT for this show. Seriously, I don't care if you are a "veteran" actor. You shouldn't look BORED on-screen. It's not right. And is he gaining weight in his face by the minute? I feel bad bringing that up, but the continuity directors better be looking at Mr. Cromwell. That is, if 24 still has continuity directors. I'm pretty sure that after season 3 they just fired them.

And speaking of weird things happening hour by hour, is the White House's underground lair becoming bigger and bigger and BIGGER by the minute? And just what style of design IS that? I can't decide if it's supposed to be futuristic, or if it's supposed to look like a children's hospital. It has bright blue walls (which, I'm sure in HD, actually look "royal" or whatever, but in regular definition, they just kind of suck), and weird designs put here and there, and if you would just put up a picture of a flamingo in any office, it'd totally be a pediatric exam room. It's tough to describe it with words, everyone. It's just not presidential. Shoot, it'd be a bad design even for CTU. It's the WEIRDEST DC set they've EVER had. And that's not even taking into account the awfully bland Oval Office set they had earlier in the season.

On a character note, I feel bad for Morris O'Brian. He was kidnapped by terrorist conduits/errand runners/suppliers/whatever, then delivered to the current villain, beaten repeatedly, watched someone else die, and was DRILLED BY HIS SHOULDER. With a DRILL. He caved, like ANYONE would do, and made a nuclear activation device for Fayed. An extremely complicated device, meant to activate Soviet-era technology with modern-day electronics. In 4 minutes. While he's in pain from being DRILLED. CTU later rescues him, and he gets chewed out something fierce for making a functional nuke activation device. He spends about 15 minutes in CTU's Clinic, then his ex-girlfriend, Chloe, comes in and pretty much chews Morris out for not going back to work. What the?? He's been beaten and tortured by TERRORIST and, oh yeah, DRILLED IN THE BACK. And Chloe admitted she didn't even need him. So what could an extra 20 minutes of recovery time hurt, Chloe? Morris doesn't have super-healing powers. That show is called Heroes.

Philip Bauer, while he was hanging around at CTU, erased files from Graem's phone. Now, if Graem just confessed to ordering the assassination of a former president and 2 federal agents, why wouldn't his cell phone be in custody? Why wouldn't Jack have it? For lesser thugs they run the cell numbers right away. Why not this time? When the suspect is more important, then the security becomes looser? CTU security just sucks.

Oh, in case you were wondering how long the show can keep Josh Bauer on, child labor laws I think prohibit minors shooting film after midnight. So unless they keep him in the hotel set for the rest of the day, he only has about 6, 7 hours left. (This is why most seasons start at daybreak, so they can introduce their annoying child actors right away. Now you've actually learned something new!)

Fayed, the most evil Arab terrorist in America, works for a white man. It's a good thing, too, because Season 4 was the only season that didn't have a Caucasian as the Big Bad for the season, and it'd be awful to take a risk again and have an Arab as the actual planner of a big event. Apparently Muslim extremist can only carry out plots, they can't come up with them. Man, no wonder so many Muslims hate this show! As it stands, it's nice that we have Russians as bad guys, at least for the middle part of the season. We had some Russians in season 5, but they didn't really... speak. At all. Except "AAAAHHH!" and "I'm DYING!!!!", after an assassination attempt. Come to think of that, the lack of Russian dialogue was actually kind of odd, considering they were a major plot point for the season.

Man, this show sucks.

Back to the DC plotline, I love how everybody has no spine. Karen Hayes quit, in part because she was sick of having to disagree. Tom Lennox told Chad Lowe to draft a letter of resignation, because Wayne said "no" to his highly illegal maneuvers. One "no" and apparently, in DC, you're out. And seriously, how BAD would it be to have a nuke go off in the morning, and later in the day find out that two of the highest-ranking officials in the government, right when they're needed the most, resigned? That'd suck. Also, is Chad Lowe planning on shaking Palmer's hand with a chemical poison or something, a la Lesbian Terrorist Mandy? Because it sounds like they're planning on getting rid of Wayne for good. (Hooray!!!)

Meanwhile, I guess Sandra Palmer and Walid are done for the day? Did they just go to Milo and Behrooz's Land of Abruptly Dropped Characters? Nadia has to be careful... She's heading down that way, too.

As it stands right now, I don't think 24 will probably get any award nominations for this season. It's been slow, dry, and lacking oomph. It can all change, yes, but it's been very generic, like the scripts are being written by a 24-cliche-generator. The only thing different this season is that they've given Jack Bauer a personality again. Which is cool, actually. But after about 3 seasons without one, it's kind of odd to deal with again. And is Jack's hand healing itself? It looks no where NEAR as gross as it did just 3, 4 hours ago. By hour 15, I bet his hands will be completely fine.

What a weird, weird show.

Weekly "24" Rant: Conservatives Aren't Terrorist?!

I love watching 24. The problem I have is that I happen to think when I'm watching a TV show or movie. It takes a lot to get me sucked in to a program as to make me suspend all disbelief. 24, it would seem, seems determined to never, ever let me stop thinking about how stupid it is.

For instance, in this week's most recent episode, CTU analyst Nadia Yassir was flagged by the government and made to jump through extra-hurdles in order to do her job, just because she's of middle-eastern descent. Upon hearing the news, "Floor Manager" Milo said something pretty much like "But she's a registered Republican, for pete's sake!" (not verbatum). So... Homeland Security just hast to filter their results for Democrats of middle-eastern descent? I..... am amazed by the show.

Secondly, 24 seems content to never, EVER have more than 4, 5 people in the DC plotline, EVER. On a day that has seen one or two homicide bombings and the detonation of a nuclear bomb on American soil, the DC plotline has: President Palmer II, Karen Hayes and Tom Lennox. And, that's it. And this week, we sent Karen Hayes on over to LA, because... they could. Or, because they hired Chad Lowe to play a political guy, so they needed to trim the budget for the B-plot. One way or another, I'm sure. This now leaves Wayne Palmer with Tom Lennox and the former Mr. Hilary Swank to save the day. But, Lennox is an EVIL conservative, because he doesn't like the constitution at all. And Hayes was forced to resign from office, because she believes in just trivial things like the law. And she let Lennox win! She may be a "bleeding heart liberal" but she's also the character that makes the most sense on the show this season. Mainly, because she applies logic to the situation. And now, she'll be out of the picture for a while. Ggggrrr...

And, Jack Bauer's father made a "surprise" entrance in this week's episode. Thanks, promo monkeys, for ruining that for us. And he seems to be good, but has done some terrible, terrible things, somewhat unwittingly. Basically, he's like Jack Bristow from Alias. (But played by James Cromwell and not Victor Garber, who would have been hillarious as Bauer's dad!) And, what's up with the spelling of Graem's name? Seriously, I thought the week before that my closed captioning kept messing "Graham" up and kept garbling out "Graem". "Graem"?! How very Californian.

The Cougar Plotline Award of the Week: This week's shout-out goes to the D-plotline involving that rich white guy driving around with his foxy girlfriend. He's on the phone trying to find a nuclear scientist who wants to arm four Soviet suitcase nukes, and being quite vocal about it, actually. And the girlfriend keeps complaining that they're not outside of the fallout radius. (Which, would probably upset me to, but girl, it's been what, an hour? Get over it already, it's 24!) This plotline is moving slow, drags on and better lead up to something good because it's just a bloody distraction at this point in the season.

Next week: Graem turns the tables on his family, minutes after lecturing his brother about why he should be loyal to family. And hopefully they'll explain that either Graem or Jack were adopted, because Paul McCrane certianly wasn't cast in the role because of his similarity to Keifer Sutherland...